A key aspect of resilience is being able to overcome the unexpected in a positive way. In today’s episode, publicity strategist, consultant and author of four best-selling books, Jill Lublin shares some of the wisdom that she’s learned on her path to success. One element is the true meaning of resilience, which for Jill involved discovering that, on a deeper level, it is about loving yourself more. Jill dives into some helpful pieces of advice on becoming more resilient in day-to-day living. She also shares details about the inspiration for her latest book, The Profit of Kindness, in which she shows how businesses can be served by focusing on kindness. Join us as we discuss Jill’s experiences and how to become even more resilient in this busy world.
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The True Meaning Of Resilience And How It Can Impact Your Life With Jill Lublin
I am blown away in so many ways with just what has been going on all around. There are so many different things to be observant about and in our life, things have been incredible and going to so quickly. I’m finding myself both in awe of the speed at which time has traveled and at the same time how much more there is in this moment and in every moment yet to be experienced. We had our first-born take vows with an amazing man. Our daughter Chelsea and our son Matthew got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. They shared vows together in such a vulnerable way, a way that I’ve never seen before. I’ve never experienced that before at a wedding and going back many years to when my wife Randi and I took our vows together. Most of what we said were things that were told to us to say and it was like, “Repeat after me,” and we just repeated after.
It was beautiful and all that and fast forward many years later and the first of our four kids gets married. They’ve created their own vows and their own ceremony in their own way of doing it all. It was gorgeous, breath-taking and different. It’s uniquely them. To be witness to that and to participate in that, to be a daddy and be giving my daughter away, all these things created these incredible roller coasters of emotions and they said something beautiful. I was remarkably unprepared for that roller coaster and coming out the other end of it just amazed at how quickly has passed and yet at the same time so enthusiastic for this moment and everything that is yet to come.
It is a beautiful, glorious day. I’m thrilled that I get to spend time with all of you and time with an old friend of mine, a dear friend. She is someone that I met some years ago through a common business that we had. She asked me an important question one day. We were standing in line at a Starbucks and asked me a very direct and point-blank question about my message. In particular, how it was that I was going to reach a wider audience of people with the things that were on my heart. This lady happens to be an expert in the space of publicity. She’s a strategist. She’s a consultant. She’s a bestselling author. She’s worked with authors all across the globe to help them to clarify their message, to be able to get that message out in the world, including through the creation of a book and the sale of those books to publishers. In fact, she helped me to find my first agent and we got a first-time six-figure deal on a book that was in the incubation phase.
It wasn’t even written at that point. It was barely an outline. She was seminal as in providing guidance there, mentorship there as good friends do and good colleagues do. They look out for each other. This person had my back at the time and looked out for me. It’s a thrill not only that we’ve been able to maintain our relationship over many years. Again, not sure where all that time has gone, but it’s gone so quickly. To have her on the show to introduce her to all of you and to hear some of her wisdom, all the places in her own life where she’s both pivoted, become more resilient in the process of living day to day and all of those things. She brings a wealth of tremendous value and a great experience to the table. Jill Lublin is my guest. Jill, welcome to the show. It’s wonderful to have you on the show.
Thank you, Adam. I’m so glad to be here and also, for all the beautiful things that are happening in your world too.
It’s incredible how much is going on in the world in general. Anybody I speak to they say this the same thing. It’s clear that I feel like in this phase, we are all going through a very similar journey. What’s happening in your life? I didn’t say very much detail-wise about your bio. I’d love it if you’d introduce yourself to our audience. Jill, what do you want people to know about you? Maybe it’s something that is typically a part of your media sheet when people are booking you to speak on stages and things as a whole, a list of your accomplishments and books you’ve authored. What’s something that isn’t typically part of your bio that you’d love for people to know about you?
Besides the fact that I have four books, I always make the joke that some people have children, but I have four books and four cats. I think that’s an interesting parallel personally. I’m such an animal lover. I’ve many other things too, but I think that’s funny about the four books and four cats.
I’m not sure if I’m being a lead in any direction based on that, but maybe in the next little while we’re going to go, “This is the reason why there are four books and four cats.”
I speak all over the world on publicity and networking. My latest book is The Profit of Kindness. I’m looking at my pivot, the next step for how to take this into the world in a larger way with plans for a conference and much more speaking about that too along with my publicity career. I’m excited about all of that for what’s next.Anything great that gets accomplished often starts with an inspiration. Click To Tweet
For somebody who’s written books about marketing and spent a lot of time in the PR space and in the publishing space, a book with the title of The Profit of Kindness is different. What inspired you to write that book? Does it parallel some a transition point in your life? Does it mark a particular milestone of some kind? What can you say about that?
I feel I’m always led by inspiration in terms of what’s next. I operate a lot of my business intuitively. When I asked you that question many years ago about what you were going to do when it’s time to have a book, it was from a totally inspirational and intuitive place where I hope and always focus on leading my business from that. I know that when inspiration leads me, things are successful. With The Profit of Kindness, what’s interesting is I didn’t necessarily plan on writing another book. Once you start having successful books, publishers want more and that’s a good thing. I’m remembering right at this moment, this woman who I love and adore, she’s 85 now. She’s been my friend for over many years. We’re close friends.
The kind of friend that when she needs a ride to the doctor’s appointments in the middle of my busy business workday, I drop everything and go get her. I take her to lunch. She’s been aging and it’s been tough. A lot more things are required. She looked at me one day and she goes, “You’re so kind. I wish other people would be like this. We should have a new currency, the currency of kindness.” Something inside me went, “Wow.” That was the book that I then turned into The Profit of Kindness. I remember I came up with Return on Kindness Principles, ROK instead of ROI. Everybody’s always concerned about ROI. I figured if you get ROK, Return on Kindness, you’re going to have ROI.
It was so interesting because that was a whole process. I decided to have seven words because I love the number seven. It’s my magic number. I sat there and I created words. Up to the last moment, almost in publishing, I frankly changed a word or two. I believe that it was born out of inspiration and out of seeing someone. It’s always important like you did many years ago, which birthed you a major bestselling book that continues to influence your life. You have to listen for inspiration. It may come through others. It may come, in my case, through this wonderful friend of mine, Gloria. It came through me to you about your book or however it comes. It might come from internal sources and the whispers that we all hear.
I think it’s important to listen and as much as possible to run your business from that place. For me, that’s been a big pivot. Why? I was driven, ambitious, career-oriented and I had a path. I was going on that path and happy on that path frankly. I believe that as the years have passed, one of my big pivots has been letting the river flow me more and seeing what shows up. Now, that’s not to say. I’m definitely intentional. I’m purposeful and I think it’s important to be those things. I also think it’s important now for me and my journey to watch what shows up, how life presents itself to me and what’s in the air. What’s Jill supposed to do? I listen. I pray. I stay watching for inspiration within me because somebody may come up with a great idea. It looks great. It sounds great. It might even be right if you were to look at it logically and analytically. For me, my pivot is operating more from a more spiritually driven place. What’s my purpose? What is aligned with what feels good to my heart? It’s more like that for me now.
How long has that you’ve been more conscious about that? I’ve known you for a while now. I see you as a thinking person. I feel you’re a thoughtful person. You care about others. Anybody that knows you know you’re quite kind. I also thought, “You’re introspective.” You consider things. Is this a relatively new thing for you to want to be trusting, I suppose? If I can use that word trusting in inner guidance or intuition or inner knowing as opposed to some other method of seeing life or making things happen.
Life is an interesting mixture of both. I don’t think you can sit by as much as I’d love to say, “The Law of Attraction is great.” You got to combine it in my opinion with thoughtful and purposeful action. Anything great that gets accomplishes if you look at it is filled with plans and focus, but often it starts with an inspiration. I would tell you more and more in this realm, certainly for a number of years, I’ve always been highly intuitive. I’ve used it in my work consistently. I don’t necessarily talk to people about that except those that can hear it. Certainly, you and I share that.
What does it mean? Let’s not even make the assumption people that who are listening at the moment will know what you mean by intuitive. Let’s define that a bit from the context that it has meaning in for you.
There are a couple of things for me. Number one, when I stood next to you and I said, “What about a book, how about your legacy and your knowledge and information into a way that people can consume it.” That came through me. Some things will literally come through me. I find that happens a lot with my clients in PR. I literally say to people now, “Take notes because things come through me.” You’ve seen me do it on stage and hot seats with people that the messages will come through me. I am a messenger for messengers. I feel that in my heart. I know it of who I will be. What’s intuition for me? Sometimes it literally comes through me and almost like there’s no controlling it per se.
Is it a feeling? Is it a voice? Describe it if you could.
Depending on the situation I find with clients, it’s often a voice. It’s guidance. It’s whispers in my ears and head. I will hear people’s message for example or what to say next. That will usually come through me and I hear it more so a, “Say this.” Sometimes it’s a feeling in my heart or my gut, like move here or goes there. All of a sudden, I’ll find myself moving a certain direction or away from a certain direction depending or, “You have to go here now.” Mostly for me, it’s listening to my voices, so to speak and feeling what’s in my heart or in my gut. I know people talk about it. I tend to feel more with my heart and I will be led to places. To me, it’s almost like, “Go here, go there and follow that.”
When I also talk about the inspiration for the next steps, I am putting together a kindness conference. Since The Profit of Kindness came out, I was inspired. I used that word. It’s an inspiration to do a kindness conference. I couldn’t quite do it when the book was fresh and new because there are so much promotion, publicity and other things that go into having a book out that consume that. That has a certain timing. I do feel that there are seeds that are planted in us. This kindness piece for me is a plant that seed, it comes out first as a book and next as a movement. I don’t always know how when the inspiration comes. I don’t always have the how, but one thing I’m clear about is you get together people who know how.
Just like I’m an expert at PR and people have me do that with them. I need to gather people who know how to do certain other things, create movements or help me with the conference and different pieces. That’s important that we gather a team to support the inspiration. We are not to do things alone. I don’t think any of us were meant to do anything alone here. We are here for each other to support each other and find the right people for your team. That’s why when I say I listen for inspiration then I put into action. I’m now not moving things unless inspiration is part of that.
Even when you’re inspired and you surround yourself with great people with diverse skills and you’ve got things covered or at least that’s part of what we believe and we feel, that doesn’t go according to plan frequently. In fact, it’s more the rule than the exception that the plan will change over time. Would you agree with that?
Constantly the plan changes and part of life. This is the flow of the river and you get in the canoe or the kayak. You can paddle, but you have to go with the flow. If things aren’t going according to plan, there are a couple of things like, “What needs to change? What needs to shift?” Why is that or maybe something bigger needs to happen like a date change, for instance. Again, I watch like what’s happening and where are the struggles and the obstacles. There are certain things you got to overcome. Certain things about doing business. There are moments of high concentration. When you’re getting a book out, you got to do stuff. When you’re working on a specific project, I call it times of concentration and you don’t do anything else but that. It’s a high focus. You deal with stuff. We all wish things went according to plan, simply and easily. Part of life is how are we going to react and that determines things too. To me walking around like a chicken crazed, which I can feel like at times. We all feel these things. What good will that do at a certain point?
Jill, as you sit here at this moment, if I said to you, and I will ask you this question, what’s the greatest blindside that you’ve ever had? What comes to mind? The pivot we didn’t necessarily anticipate at the moment. Our theory is that there are two kinds of changes that are happening. Change is constant in the universe. There’s either change by design or change by default. By default, those are things that catch you off guard. The blind side is something that you don’t see coming. What’s the most significant blindside that you’ve had in business or in some other area?
Falling and fracturing both ankles at once in multiple places, that blindsided me. That forced me literally off my feet and for six months into a wheelchair. There have been many things, but that was one of the first things that put me in a different focus on what publicity meant for me. I started a TV show from it called Messages of Hope because I got inspiration about accelerating positive messages into the world.
That came out of breaking your ankles?
Yes.It's important that we take the pace of life how we want it. Click To Tweet
Help us to understand the thread there a little bit. Connect a few of those dots for us.
When God takes you off your feet so to speak, it knocks you off your feet.
It’s interesting that you’re sharing this with us, Jill. Again, you end up breaking both ankles. How does that happen? How did it occur? You had a little thing that happened.
Yes, I had a little thing happened. I literally stepped off a curb and fell on my face. I literally fractured both ankles in multiple places. I was not near my home. I was in Canada. The whole thing about getting back and being taken care of there and all kinds of things, you’ll learn a lot of lessons. I’m a strong, independent, autonomous woman and all of a sudden, I was in a wheelchair completely dependent on everyone else. I could not do anything like cook. I couldn’t sleep in my own bed. I had to be wheeled through everything. I couldn’t take showers and the whole bit. It was tough. I had to have a caregiver. I’m like, “What’s the meaning of this?” once I got through the trauma part of the injury. I’m like, “Let’s get moving on this positive messaging in the world.” I finally had time to lay back and be with reflections, my travel schedule was cut a lot. I started traveling even in the wheelchair in about two months, but still, that was such logistical craziness. During that time, I was reflecting, “What’s going on here?”
It forced you to slow down.
I call it stopped in my tracks. I’m in Northern California and I pitched my local newspaper about positive media and what I was doing with the TV show, which happened after all this. I started that TV show right away, a local cable and started interviewing great people on their messages of hope. That newspaper did a piece on me and I’m looking at the masthead. I made the front page that says, “Accident is an inspiration.” I didn’t even realize I’ve been using that word.
How interesting that the conversation ended up going this way. A mentor of mine some years ago shared with me that in places in business, we have to slow down before we can speed up. That’s true in life as well. There are times when we must slow down. I’m convinced that the reason I hurt my back was that I was foolish and all the rest I can look back. I did beat myself up a bit about knowing better since I am in many ways considered as someone that shares a great deal of experience about how to be resilient in business and in life. Pivoting is in many ways the art and the science of the pivot. It has to do with how resilient we are before we need to be resilient. The resilience that we are able to cultivate at the moment when things that we don’t expect happens.
Resilience is a big part of the equation, in my opinion, when it comes to what creates success or how people are successful. Our own individual definitions of success are different. Overall, a successful person is a person that is persevering and ultimately is getting fulfillment out of life experience. It’s somebody who is not defeated by life, but someone who’s inspired by life to use your word. If we don’t live to fight another day or live to learn another day, we don’t get those lessons. We don’t necessarily see how things have been so perfectly orchestrated in the past. At the moment we see them as threatening or dark or harmful or scary. When you look back on your past, you can see so perfectly that everything was ordered and orchestrated even in such a divine way, something we can’t necessarily see as we’re traveling up the staircase that is the future.
We don’t know what’s ahead. We spend time worrying about that or thinking that somehow we’d like to change things in the past. When we find that we’ve gotten further on in our lives and we look back and even something like breaking both your ankles had a profound impact on you. It had a profound impact on what was going to be next. You slowed down in order for you to begin some new projects or be inspired about creating something new. Those things took off and were successful and led you to new destinations that you wouldn’t have been there but for the fact that you did have to slow down. Is that accurate what I’m saying?
Yes, and I totally agree that one, at times needs to slow down. I tend to be a very fast-paced person. I think fast. I operate fairly quickly. For me, I’ve been reflecting over these past few days. I don’t want any more rushing in my life. When I say rushing, it’s like, “Yes, I can have many appointments and not be rushing to them.” It’s important that we take the pace of life how we want it. There are times like I said that things are fast-focused and that is the pace of the moment. Yes, in life right now, I think we are going incredibly fast related to your original comments. Life is passing at the speed of light. If we’re going to pass at the speed of light, I have truly increased my self-care. That’s gotten even more important to me. What am I going to do to take care of myself in the speed?
If you were defining what resilience looks like for you as a series of rituals, for example, conscious habits, what are some of those things for you, Jill? You mentioned one, the act of self-care.
Honestly, it comes down a lot to self-care and also meditation, exercise. I notice even these past days, there have been circumstances with holidays happening. It’s like, “Did I get that in? No, it slipped out. All right, good. What will I do to put it back in?” How about not making myself wrong? Can that be part of life? For me, resilience is about loving myself more. In loving myself, that means I always work on no judgment for others. What about no judgment for me if I miss the mark or when I’ve done something? That’s a piece for me of continuing letting go of what is supposed to happen in life. We stay in action and we make things happen. It’s an interesting mix, truthfully and it’s a navigation of life. How do we do it most gracefully? Sometimes we’re going to fall on our face. Literally in my case, even in your case, we’re going to fall and there are consequences to that. It hurts. You have to rest or whatever else you have to do and take care of yourself.
It’s embarrassing as well. You got to ask people for support or you struggle alone. These are choices we make then too. That night, Randi and I were dealing with it. Even though our kids live less than a mile away, I said, “Don’t call them because I didn’t want them to worry.” Let me tell you how much crap I got for that the next day. They were so upset with Randi and me for not reaching out and saying, “He goes down and his back is all locked up. How do you not call us? How do you not tell us then?” In my mind, the story was, “I don’t want to worry them. Everything will be fine tomorrow.” It’s an interesting thing because as you said earlier, nothing great is created alone. Our life in this space is about connection. We’re not here alone.
None of us live on an Island. Even though some of us are introverts and others are extroverts, the fact is we’re here to experience life together. It’s an interesting thing because we talk about, what does it take to create resilience? I would say a part of that recipe includes the support of others. It includes things like what you said earlier about the regular ability to forgive yourself, to be in non-judgment of yourself, to let go of things. There are lots of rituals that we could create around what we eat, our diets, our exercise and those things are vitally important. Yet there are also some of these other things that get less attention certainly in the way of how it is that we treat ourselves internally. The internal dialogue, the things that we say to ourselves and what we do attach ourselves to and what we choose consciously to let go of. Do you love A Course in Miracles?
I haven’t studied it excessively, but yes, I love it.
I love it as well. I don’t know that I could be in the middle of it. I either love it or hate it or I don’t. I haven’t studied it extensively, but there’s one area that I come back to, again and again, called the new beginning. It’s chapter 30. Sometimes I refer to it as rules for decision, but it’s basically a short chapter on how it is that we create the day we want. In taking the time and applying a process to how it is that we create, cultivate, curate a day of joy and bliss and happiness for ourselves, the true gift of that day is that we are able to give it to others. As you said earlier, it’s often the case that we can give to others. We can even withhold judgment from this, but yet we heap it on ourselves.
This particular section of this beautiful text has to do with how it is that we receive. It flips on its side a little bit of the concept of, it’s better to give than to receive. It doesn’t address it in that language. It goes at it from the standpoint of we can’t give anything that we don’t inherently possess ourselves. The love that we wish to give to the world is a reflection of the love that we give ourselves and the love that we withhold from ourselves is, in the same way, the love that we withhold from others and from the world. It’s an interesting discussion of that reciprocal relationship that can also start with giving to yourself. In the giving and receiving yourself of things that you want such as self-care, self-love, self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. These become these gifts that you are able to share fully with other people because you possess them yourself.Keep serving yourself and grow into the best you can be. Click To Tweet
We do our business and we are in our business who we want to be, I hope and serve others magnificently. The best way to do that keeps serving yourself and growing into the best we can be and stay resilient through everything. Don’t expect life to be as much as we all plan and God bless.
Do you buy the idea that if you judge yourself, if you’re self-critical, that you’re probably also self-critical of others and other things as well?
Yes, I do.
To think that you could be open and accepting of other people and situations, but yet when it comes to yourself, not so much? Do you think those two things can coexist well?
We’re all judgmental to a certain extent. We’re human. We’re discerning. We create opinions and form judgments of people, good, bad or whatever. There’s the part of us judging ourselves. I often think that we are often harder on ourselves. Many people are harder on themselves than on other people and other people are harder on other people than themselves. That might be what’s true. I met some pretty judgmental people and people who like are saying things and you’re like, “Where’s that coming from?” or silly things, who want to whine and complain about life.
It’s not part of the recipe for resilience. Jill, I would love it if you’d share as we wrap up, what’s a ritual that you have, a daily ritual for creating greater resilience for yourself as a business owner and somebody that’s continually looking for inspiration for others as well in the work that you do. What’s one thing you do daily that’s a ritual for you to create more resilience for yourself?
I would tell you to meditate. Again, this is not a 30-minute or even an hour process. It is usually short and focused. I go through a certain meditation that is simple. I read affirmations and my mission statement. That’s what I do daily.
Do you do it at a particular time of the day?
I prefer in the morning. The other thing I want to add is that every evening, I say with my partner five things we’re grateful for aloud. We do it verbally. I’d love to say I keep a journal. For me, that’s too much more work. I just say verbally, “We’re good, we’re complete and it feels really good.”
Do you do this before bed?
Jill, I know this is a deep conversation that you and I can continue and everybody else that’s reading this at the moment, give some thought to where it is that you are yourself able to take better care of yourself. Where is there room for growth inside? Where is there an opportunity to create greater resilience for yourself in the world? I truly believe that it is one of our great responsibilities to be fully alive and present at this moment for ourselves so that we are able to gain greater insight and understanding. Therefore, be someone that other people can look at, model or learn from. Observation is a profound thing with the speed at which everything is moving. You said this earlier, Jill, things are going so quickly. We can miss the mark or go further from the mark more quickly than it was when things were slower. That speed and the pace that technology has contributed to all of our lives is a great blessing. It’s a great benefit because it has enabled us to travel great distances to be able to put things into motion and see things to fruition much more quickly than they had been in the past.
Yet at the same time, when things are moving so quickly and we can miss our off-ramp, miss some important thing in our lives, it’s that much more important that we have a way to slow down. In this case, in the last couple of days, the universe said to me, “If you won’t slow down, we know exactly how to slow you down.” Jill, you had a little of that experience and plenty of other people know what that’s like. One of those rituals that are important in the way of being able to be more present and be more resilient would be any ritual that slows you down consciously. You mentioned, Jill, about meditation. It could be simply taking a nice leisurely walk, 20, 30-minute walk sometime in the day.
I love to walk before I go to bed at night, breathe some fresh air and clear the head. It is so important now more than ever that we create space for ourselves to slow down, to take some deep breaths, to take stock in what’s happening around us and to be observant. One of the great benefits of doing that, whether you call it prayer or you call it meditation or it’s something else that is slowing down, in creating that space, there is room to hear. There’s space to receive inspiration to be guided, to even feel on the inside where it is that your intuition might be drawing you in a certain direction or calling you in a certain direction. All of that is beautiful for all of us to practice.
The moments in life when we do fall down are incredible because they also forced the issue and make us contemplate where we are and how we’ve gotten here and what lies ahead. I’ve so enjoyed our time together, Jill. Thanks so much for being on the show. Everybody, if you’ve enjoyed this episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can go to AdamMarkel.com/Podcasts. Leave a comment there and let us know. Finding out more about Jill Lublin and the work that she’s doing in the world, how she helps people with their public relations, their marketing, books that they would love to get produced and use to transform people’s lives. She’s a tremendous resource in that regard and many others. For now, I’ll remind you of the waking ritual that was an inspiration to me several years ago and I still get to be inspired by it every single day. There are three parts to this ritual. The first is that we wake up. Jill, did you wake up now?
For a lot of us, we’re still in the process of waking up and it’s perfect as well. Every day we get that gift or it seems that every day we get that gift. We know for sure when we go to bed at night that there’s no guarantee that the next morning will be there. When we wake up tomorrow morning, when we all take that first deep breath of the day, please take a moment to recognize the fact that there are people who will be taking their last breath at that moment. It’s holy. It’s sacred. We get to walk on holy ground that day if we’re lucky. You can be grounded at that moment, in gratitude.
Find something, even take ten seconds, as simple as taking ten seconds when you take that first breath and realize that it’s a gift and a blessing that you can be grateful right then. Think of something or anything that you’re grateful for. The third step beyond waking and being grateful is a declaration. If you’re willing to say something new and different, many of you may have been saying this for a while. Some of you might be the first time to say these words out loud. They’re four simple words, but they’re all so profound at the same time. I truly believe when we have the words, we also have the way. These are the four words, “I love my life.” What are the words, Jill?
I love my life.
Ten seconds tomorrow when you wake up and feel grateful, you can say those words as you start your day, “I love my life.” It’s been a blessing, everyone. Ciao for now.
- Jill Lublin
- The Profit of Kindness
- A Course in Miracles
About Jill Lublin
Jill Lublin is an international speaker on the topics of Radical Influence, Publicity, Networking, Kindness and Referrals. She is the author of 4 Best Selling books including Get Noticed…Get Referrals (McGraw Hill) and co-author of Guerrilla Publicity and Networking Magic.
Her latest book, Profit of Kindness went #1 in four categories. Jill is a master strategist on how to position your business for more profitability and more visibility in the marketplace.
She is CEO of a strategic consulting firm and has over 25 years experience working with over 100,000 people plus national and international media.
Jill teaches Publicity Crash Courses as both live events and live webinars and consults and speaks all over the world. She also helps authors to create book deals with major publishers and agents, and well as obtain foreign rights deals.