Speaker, Coach, and Top Show Podcaster, Tiffany Peterson is passionate about helping others live with intention while implementing essential success habits to create a thriving life and business. How can you create the life and business you want without sacrificing yourself too much? Listen to your host Adam Markel as he talks with Tiffany about nourishing your body, mind, and spirit so you can fully embody the success habits that would make you thrive in different areas of your life. Tiffany shares in-depth insights on the importance of self-care, showing up, and self-exploration. She also discusses non-negotiable rules she has for herself that help her live her purpose with more meaning and fulfillment. Do you have a clear vision and goals, or are you just surviving? Tune in to explore how you can root yourself most powerfully while living on your own terms.
- 00:01 Introduction
- 01:07 Having A Tender Heart
- 05:20 Self-care
- 08:06 Showing Up
- 11:44 Trusting Yourself
- 13:23 Acceptance
- 16:10 Energy
- 23:58 Dancing With The Unknown
- 35:45 Rules
- 36:26 Clarity
- 38:30 Saying No
- 45:55 Environment Has Influence
- 52:54 Rejection
- 56:10 Great At Sales
- 1:06:14 Persistence
- 1:07:55 Wrapping Up
How do we leverage continuous uncertainty to thrive in this unprecedented new world?
The answer is to build the resilience we need to power us through the challenges we face so that we become “Change Proof.” Prepare to tackle the future with confidence by reading Adam’s latest book Change Proof: Leveraging the Power of Uncertainty to Build Long-Term Resilience.
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Creating A Life And Business You Love Through Self-Care And Success Habits With Tiffany Peterson
In this episode, you are in for a treat. I adore this person you’re about to get access to. Her name is Tiffany Peterson. She’s a speaker, coach and very successful podcaster. She is passionate about helping others live their life with intention while implementing key success habits to create thriving lives and businesses. She’s got a ton of wisdom and insight about business, sales and so many things that you’re going to be thrilled that you made the time to read this. Check this episode out and enjoy.
You speak publicly. You’ve been a facilitator, presenter, content curator and creator for so long. You hear your introduction often. I cringe when I hear my introduction. I’m like, “Cut that down. Shorten that. Cut to the chase.” What is not part of your bio, something that you would like for people to know about you?
When you add all of that off, it’s like, “You’re a professional speaker, coach and podcaster.” You watch someone’s social media. What most people may not know about me at first glance is that I have such a tender heart. I’m a little sensitive being. I don’t know if that always comes across because on much of my social media, there are times when I very will share an open, authentic post. It’s easy at first glance to be like, “She or he is so confident and put together,” or all your highlight reel like social.
Sometimes what we don’t see maybe in me or let alone in one another is also that every human is a very tender being. I worked for Stephen Covey for years, the great author of the popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and in my corporate days, working for his brand. I remember he would remind us regularly in his material that people, no matter what front they give you are tender beings. That’s good awareness for me. I didn’t know what you were going to ask me. I only went with what was authentic. It’s the reminder that even people seem so confident and put together, while that’s accurate, it’s also not the whole story. Humans are tender creatures and I fall into that.
That resonates with me. I’m sure other people are going, “We don’t often marinate in that aspect of ourselves that much because that tenderness can be scary in a world that is sharp, hard, cold and difficult in some ways. Early on in life, at least, in my experience, having been a small kid for many years through elementary school and things, I got bullied. I wasn’t chosen first. Sometimes I’m last in the games and stuff in the schoolyard. I wasn’t a tender kid. My parents told me that and I remember that about myself.
I was quiet but that tenderness wasn’t met well in the world I was in. I grew up in Queens, New York in this little suburb or the city but it’s the same everywhere. Sometimes we learn early in our lives that tenderness is something that other people might manipulate or use to their advantage or hurt us. We develop a bit more tough skin. You’ve worked for the Covey company and spent some time with Jack Canfield’s company. You’ve been on your own for about twelve years successfully and all that.
You’ve developed your tough skin, I’m sure. I’d love to get a sense of whether is there a way that you harmonize between those two things. I don’t want to say balance because I don’t believe in the way balance is used often like equal amounts. I wouldn’t season my food with the same amount of salt as the same amount of pepper. When you think about how to balance work and life or how tender we are when we’re stronger or whatever that other side of tenderness might be, it’s more harmony. I’m curious how you’ve managed that.Sometimes what we don't see is that every human is a very tender being. Click To Tweet
It’s been evolving for years. When I worked in corporate, I had a lot times more masculine energy. We all have masculine and feminine energy. They’re both very incredible in and of themselves and also, combined. I’m a fierce woman. I know how to make things happen and take control of a room. That’s is valuable in certain times too but what’s helped me with the tenderness is a lot of a deepening of my self-care. Self-care is a big buzzword. It’s trendy and out there on lots of memes and quotes. I’m a big proponent of that work like self-care and self-love.
It’s like choosing to show up for myself in deeper ways and giving myself the love, the need and the validation that I am seeking often from the world. If I give it to myself, then my tenderness is rooted. If your tenderness is maybe not rooted, that’s where you’re a lot more fragile or vulnerable. Tenderness can also be quite powerful. It’s like that sweet flower or that invitation where you’re dropping into some of that but showing up solid for myself, not perfectly but consistently.
I have a question that I love that I model often for coaching clients or I’ve shared online as well. The question is simply this, “What do you need, sweetheart?” It’s very tender. It’s like meeting your cute little grandbaby and seeing that little precious soul. In a few years when your grandbabies are 4 and 5 years old and have gone maybe too long without a nap or wake up from sleep in a bad dream or something and that 4 or 5-year-old is being a little fussy, we pull them on our lap and say, “What do you need, sweetheart?”
I find that for all of us, no matter our upbringing, like you are in Brooklyn and I am in Salt Lake City, Utah or wherever people are reading all around the world, all of us had great things and tough things growing up. Some people had some tough things growing up but no matter our childhood, even if you have phenomenal parents, grandparents and a very thriving solid network or if you didn’t have any of that, we all get to learn how to “reparent” ourselves as adults. We get to learn how to be better at, “Let me show up and meet my needs.” We come into the world so dependent on other people taking care of us, which is a great part of being a tribe, family and family traditions yet at some level, it’s like choosing to show up for ourselves.
For me, that tenderness has helped me come to a place where it’s like, “I also can allow myself the space where I can be more intentional of how I show up for myself.” Where I look at that tenderness is I feel so much more integrated within my feminine and masculine energy but also with the balance. I’m a powerful creator and a tender soul. Giving myself permission for both has made a huge difference.
That’s such an important thing because there is some level of confusion even in how we show up that often, we’re pretending in some ways. We are using an approach to solving problems or leading other people that aren’t necessarily congruent with who we are because if we were to show up in that way, maybe people wouldn’t take us seriously or listen. This is more prevalent with women that I’ve interviewed and even in my home with my wife and three daughters that there is that feeling often that you’ve got to be embracing more of your masculine side or masculine energy to get things done.
When you think about the harmony of it, the symbol for that is the yin and yang symbol. It’s not a symbol of balance. It’s a symbol of harmony. How do you integrate, to use your word? How do you mix those two things? How do you mix the ingredients when you’re cooking something or even mixing hot and cold water to get it to the right temperature? What we’re talking about is finding out for yourself the right mix of those things.
When you said about how you take care of yourself, an advice that I’ve given to people, both men and women, especially go-getters because I work a lot in the corporate world and people that are on career paths and people that are running companies, the KPIs and numbers do-or-die from quarter to quarter and all that thing, is, “Be gentle with yourself.” It’s not easy for people to be gentle with themselves.
For some of us, we have to learn it. I did. It’s been evolving and progressing where there’s the capacity of taking masculine action but for both men and women, it’s like, “If you want to get things done, you’ve got to take action.” You want to make things happen and so forth. I can also come from a more harmonious way that for instance, it’s like, “I show up first for myself.”
During The years I worked for Covey and Covey Leadership, we would have these leads come into the sales floor. One lead source came from an online quiz people would take. The quiz would give you feedback on your private victory versus your public victory. I worked there for 8 years and in 8 years, not once did private victory come in at a higher score than public victory.
What the feedback is people are much more likely to follow through on their commitments when it’s to someone outside of them like my boss. I’ve got to show up for my work, other people or my church assignment. I’m going to be great at following through for everyone else but true leadership starts with how well are you leading yourself and that’s private victory. It’s like, “How well am I taking care of myself versus those KPIs or that sales team, direct reports, my boss and other departments?”
While all of those things are valuable, it’s not either/or. It’s and. It’s how you raise those scores so we would enroll people if they wanted to move forward into a coaching program. Their scores would raise significantly where their self-trust was so much higher. I’m a big advocate that everything you want to create, manifest or achieve next is directly tied to your ability to trust yourself. Do I trust myself? Is my word honorable with me? Sometimes it’s like, “I’m going to work out, read the books, go to my yoga or do my meditation. I’m going to do the things to invest in myself.” Often, when people’s lives get busy or busier, the first thing they do is their self-care habits.We probably all had some tough things growing up, but no matter our childhood or parents, we all get to learn how to “reparent” ourselves. Click To Tweet
Ironically, the busier you are, the more that’s coming to you, the more you’re going to need that time to nourish your roots. Whether you’re corporate, self-employed, for-profit or nonprofit, all the humans I work with around the world, when we come back to some of these core true principles, it’s looking at first self-leadership which is, “Am I in integrity with me? Do I take good care of myself?” Not perfect care because the perfectionist is a real gnarly animal that you never live into or live up to.
It’s truly choosing to like, “I’m well-nourished.” The question I like to also ask myself often is, “Does this nourish me? What nourishes me?” It would be a great question for your readers to look at and do some journaling to body, mind, heart and spirit. Honor yourself and your word because often we’re out looking for everyone else like, “Do you see me? Do you validate me? Do you want to promote me? Am I acknowledged by you? Am I worthy of you? Am I good enough?” It’s like, “How about you start giving that to yourself?”
Those are externalities. Seeking the love and the acceptance for something that’s outside of ourselves is a road that we all have to come to that understanding that it’s not where we’re going to find what is true love or true acceptance. We will find it first by understanding that it’s important to us. Often something like our self-worth is established when we’re very young. Older folks in more grown-up clothing, shoes and everything else yet still, their operating system is that of a seven-year-old kid trying to get the approval of a mom, dad or somebody else. This self-exploration is so important.
When I was on your podcast, we were having a similar riff on this stuff. It’s a bit of taking action and taking care. That’s how I would yin and yang that male and female. Take action because we all know that it’s how things do happen and that energy is important but then you also have to replenish your energy. We have to have even more energy now than probably ever before, given the rate of change and disruption. That’s a segue for me into talking to you about change because that’s important to you. I also want at some point have you tell us the four SW stories.
That matters too. I love this conversation about how we show up for ourselves and others. I’m most often hired to help people grow their sales, an organization, a team, speak to an audience or an individual coaching client situation. A lot of those sales is about how you show up and nourish others and in a relationship. That’s what sales are. It’s an exchange of value and relationships. Looking at that, start first with yourself as I like to look at both of those things because you’re facing change or you have different things that you want.
Ironically, one of the ways that I help people is they hire me to grow their sales and our very first coaching session is all about self-care, which is phenomenal. You might think, “Self-care in sales?” Let’s get into scripting. I’ve written lots of scripts for lots of people and training on what we call question-based selling, sales funneling and branding.
We get into all of that but everything’s first energy. You said, “We need the energy more than almost anything else.” Your energy is your goldmine. I remember a sales trainer said to me years ago, “The person with the most energy wins.” It’s an energy game. Sometimes people make it about time management like, “I’m busy.” Everyone’s busy and not enough time. We’ve all had the experience where we wrap a workday or leave a physical office. We head home and might even have 3 or 4 hours we could technically work on our goals or do some other things but we’re cooked or fried.
Working on that book, getting out on that hobby or going out for a run or a bike ride, you might do it but a lot of times it’s like, “I’m cooked. I’m lying on the couch, scrolling my phone and watching some Netflix.” There is no judgment on any of those things because I enjoy those things myself at times. It’s often more about the energy of conversation than it is even about time. When you said that, it’s like, “We want to show up.” For some of you reading, this is more for you, your business or your sales team. Realize those habits for yourself and the people you work with if you are living in alignment with those.
I love that conversation around how we show up for ourselves and others because they’re directly interconnected. It’s fascinating. Some of my coaching clients will start with week one and we get them even a few days into living consistently some of their self-care practices before we even touch their sales scripting or sales funnel and their sales will start to pop. We haven’t even done any sales training. We’ve just lifted energy and magnetically that energy is palpable. It’s like, “I want what he or she has got. Tell me more. Let’s do this deal. I want to hear your presentation. Let’s go to lunch,” or whatever the case might be.
I’m going to invite you to come in and be a guest facilitator. We do speaker training and these are big group folks. Sometimes they are our company leaders. Sometimes they are people that have the dream of getting on a TED stage or doing what you and I do like keynoting and things like that. One of the first things I tell them about that environment is that you’re managing energy. The job of a speaker or a trainer is to manage the energy.
I share something similar to what you said, which is that the first thing that we have to do is manage our energy. You’re not going to be able to manage the room’s energy or other people’s energy so you manage your own. When you start in that place with your clients, it might seem like, “Tell me how to close more or ran my numbers up.”
“Give me the magic phrase to help me close more sales.” It’s like, “That’s part of it but your energy behind the question matters the most.”As adults, we get to learn how to be better at meeting our own needs. But we come into the world so dependent on other people taking care of us, which is such a great part of being a family. Click To Tweet
The silver bullet, if there is one, is that self-mastery. It’s the management of your energy and then ultimately, how it is that you do create a context and a container for conversations to happen that is empowering to people. You can do that virtually. You can do it 1-on-1, 1-on-100 or 1-on-1,000. Once you get the dynamics right and you understand the dynamics, the numbers are just a thing.
Principles of change. You were so kind and had me on your show to talk about this book called Change Proof. I want to get your beat on change because I did a lot more of the talking that particular day. I want to call out that you’re the only person I’ve interviewed too many times to count at this point in the course of the marketing and promotion of this book. It’s been a lot of interviews. No one’s ever commented yet, other than you. Do you remember what you commented?
It’s not even page one. It’s your lead out. It’s the statement you say, which is worth repeating that’s so profound.
You brought that up and the dedication is, “To all those courageous enough to embrace the unknown.” You had me there, whatever I can bring to your people because you had me thinking about that more. What does that mean to you? What was it about that statement that had you want to call that out?
Sometimes when I’m in a good emotional state, I’m grounded or feeling all positive and facing the unknown, I’m like, “Life’s great. I’m excited.” A lot of the time though, I’m white-knuckling the unknown. I’m transparent like, “Let’s have a real talk because that only serves all of us if we’re real.” When you lead out around the words, courage and the unknown and synced those up together, it was like, “Yes.” Acknowledge that in people. The reality, as we know, is change is constant. From working from my previous days as well back forever ago, there are three constants in life, change, choice and principles.
Change always happen. We always have choices. “How will I choose to respond to different environments and feedback? How will I pivot?” It’s another great book of yours. It’s like, “How will I respond?” I have a choice in the matter. I remember years ago when I first read one of Jack Canfield’s books and worked for his brand for a few years as well. I went through some of his training and did some sales training for his company. He was the one that introduced me to this very simple life formula that says Event plus Response equals Outcome, the E+R=O.
When you think about it, it’s like, “You have all kinds of events, otherwise called change.” Change plus response equals outcome. It could be your formula specific to your world and language. What I loved at the beginning of that book is because at times, during seasons of life, I’m loving the unknown. Magic is created. It’s like the dark soil in my garden or backyard and you plant the seeds. You nourish it, water it and wait for the magic and the blooms to come up.
My peonies are in full bloom in my yard and I love them. I love seeing those gorgeous flowers. Before we see the blooms, it’s like, “You’re in this dark soil planting and nourishing.” We are like that too as humans. Sometimes the unknown feels magical like, “What’s going to come? What’s this going to look like?” I’m creating. I’m intentional. I’m a sculptor. I’m an artist of some kind in our lives. I’m intentionally navigating this blank canvas, this unknown.
There were times when it feels like I’m freaking white-knuckling like nothing where it was like, “What’s happening?” “Change here, this and that.” Here’s the irony and I’d love your perspective on this. Even when sometimes the changes that I’ve set out for that I want them to happen, when they’re happening because it’s still moving me outside of what’s familiar, can bring up my nerves, anxiousness and fear.
Courage takes fear by the hand and says, “We move forward anyway.” That’s what I loved about your opening statement. It’s the unknown like, “The magic happens there but also being a human that craves to some degree or another familiarity with certainty and to dance in this area of the unknown.” Enjoying the dance and the experience does require courage. Regardless, it’s how we choose to interface with it.
Uncertainty is a new certainty. It’s the thing that we all are experiencing in larger quantities than we have in the past. That’s got people wigging out a little bit, white-knuckling it more and exhausted because frankly, when your body is geared up for what-if scenarios, when the shit’s going to hit or could hit the fan, it’s in this hypervigilant adrenaline coursing, cortisol-creating state that is tiring. It’s flat-out exhausting and people are.
In every area and industry that I have been lucky enough to get to know and be a part of, I find the same things happening. The crucial missing piece it seems is this idea of how we truly care for ourselves. How do we learn how to be gentle with ourselves? It’s a miracle we’re here. Not to get too woo-woo about it but it’s a miracle, not just the miracle of creation. I heard somebody talk about this. It’s this one little sperm that swam upstream. You had a 1 in 1 billion chance that you’d be created and you got created so your life is a miracle.If you want to get things done, you need to take action. Click To Tweet
It’s also a miracle that we’re still around. There are one bazillion ways that things could have taken us out. Look how thin-skinned we are. We were so physically vulnerable to the hard environment that we live in. Somehow, we forget all that in the midst of what we put ourselves through often to get the job done, please other people or somehow make a mark or name for ourselves. We are potentially shortening our lives. There’s evidence to suggest that it is the case but we’re also reducing the level of our capacity.
I love to sleep but if I didn’t have to sleep, I wouldn’t because there are so many things that I want to do and experience, places to go and people to meet. All of that takes energy. To do those things, you have to have energy but people somehow think that if you keep running on an endless treadmill that you barely give yourself breaks from one thing, somehow, you’re going to have the capacity and the energy.
It’s 7:00 at night when you started working on your first book or sitting down with your kids and being fully present with them at 8:00 when all you feel like you’re capable of doing is melting into the couch. Do you feel the same way that there’s a lot you want to accomplish and you’ve got to manage your energy and create routines and rituals to be gentle with yourself for that to happen?
One hundred percent. It’s getting clear and decisive. We make decisions too. I decided years ago how I start my day. Some mornings, it’s richer and more depth but at least at the beginning of every day, I start with some prayer, readings and meditation. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes or 35 minutes but every morning starts with what you’d call a morning ritual. Different teachers call it different things but there’s some nourishment first and foremost with me and getting connected.
I love your statement, “I love my life.” Before you even move on into your day, that’s an anchoring powerful habit that you have that nourishes you and sets your mind and heart in alignment with what you’re choosing to think, feel and believe. There are certain habits. The thing about most self-care habits is they multiply back to you tenfold or even double your energy. That’s what we’re after. It’s not always the time. Sometimes it’s like, “I don’t have time to work out.”
Every time I get off a bike ride, out of a yoga class, an awful walk or something, I never regret that like, “That was a waste of time.” I never feel that way. If anything, it gives me more energy. I get more done when my self-care habits are there. Get clear and decisive about what fuels your body mind, heart and spirit. On my website, TiffanySpeaks.com, there are a couple of free downloads that people can tap into if they’re interested.
It walks you through the grafting out and the designing of body, mind, heart and spirit. It’s what I call core four habits. You look at that real energy-giving and life-giving habits. Some of our inner choices give back to us. Some of our habits deplete us. It’s being clear that what nourishes you if it nourishes you is a giving-back-to-type thing. For you, it might be your meditation practice. Meditation gives back to me. I forget who says this. Maybe it’s Rumi, Buddha or wherever it’s quoted but it says, “If you’re busy, meditate for ten minutes a day. If you’re really busy, meditate for an hour a day.” You smile and chuckle with that but it’s the reality of the grounding that it brings to you.
Whether it’s meditation, reading, exercise or time in your garden doing things off your joy list, the things that give you life and that multiply you are prioritized and decisions like, “How are you going to start your day?” The easy thing is once you decide that, then you don’t have to decide every day. It’s decided, “This is how I start my day.” I don’t have that decision fatigue and using energy like, “Do I get out of bed and do that? Do I or do I not?”
If I feel like it, I do it. If I don’t feel like it, I don’t. It ebbs and flows versus, “This is how I start my day with some form of nourishment.” Coming to that and what you’re talking about is so true. It’s often the challenges making those decisions so those habits are here but I’m with you. I do love to sleep and I’m a good napper. I know not everyone’s a good napper but I know how to nap.
There is an art to the nap. The Art of the Nap is a great book.
I’m good at napping and snacks. We walk around wearing these business suits and pretending to be grown up but we’re kids with longer legs. Also, some of us are kids with not much longer legs grown up. I wish sometimes I could take a tiny packet of food fuel that’s awesome like I’ve eaten a full healthy meal. I do love to eat. I love a good meal when I can sit down and enjoy it. When I have the stuff to do, I want to eat good and clean and eat nourishing foods that take more time.
Sometimes I do have meal prep support here in my home to help me with that because I need that fuel but for me sometimes, taking the time in the day to eat. A lot of people probably reading skip lunch because they’re moving to the next thing. We’re on the go and then without preparation though, you’re drinking too much coffee or eating the sugary stuff for the quick fix. Sometimes I do it. If things are busier, then that’s when I up my self-care support where other people might help me with meal prep or things like that.Show up first for yourself so you can live in harmony. Click To Tweet
It goes back to this idea of knowing thyself because when you know yourself, explore yourself and are interested in knowing yourself, you’re not scared of where that leads and it can be scary. You start looking inside. You’re not quite sure at the beginning of that process what that’s going to look like. I didn’t start looking internally until I was in my 40s. It was the result of this heart attack or my wife likes to call it a fart attack back in the day. I ended up reading Dr. Scott Peck’s amazing book called The Road Less Traveled and it started me going on the inside.
That is scary because you will find things there that you haven’t thought about before including the traumas that we all experienced in childhood. When you’re focused on your awareness, then you get to know yourself and what helps you. For example, when you think about energy, often not many people ask themselves, “Does that mean I should be or shouldn’t be around other people?”
You say, “Take care of yourself. Go to the gym. Do something that’s going to nourish you and build your energy up.” If you’re an introvert and this is a broad statement, I’m an introvert, I gain my energy more in a solitary way or only a couple of people mostly but an extrovert like my brother, for example, goes to a concert. He wants to be in a big venue. What fills him up is being around a lot of noise, activity and people.
That’s a self-awareness thing. If you know that about yourself, you can choose an appropriate way to recharge your battery. Hydration is a big deal. I’m not going to go down a few of these little holes here but often it is that we think we’re hungry. When I’m hungry and at the moment my mood is cranky, I have low energy and my stomach’s growling, I need to eat. That would be my reaction but know to ask a few different questions. In this book, I talk about the pause, ask and choose.
I pause and ask, “Am I hungry? Do I need to eat now or is it possible that I’m just dehydrated and water would create more equilibrium for me?” More often than not, this is something people can try on their own, for sure. Take a glass of water, hydrate your body and then see if a half hour later you haven’t seen that restoration of your focus and energy, whether or not your stomach is still screaming at you to put food in.
I would love to get a sense of some of your rules. You know yourself. You’ve been working on your exploration and that helps you to help other people. It is difficult to lead anybody when you are not self-led. I would love to get a sense of some of the rules that you have. You got a lot going on. You’re juggling like we all are. You’re an entrepreneur pulled in various directions. What are some of the rules or even one of the rules that are non-negotiable for you in terms of how you take care of yourself?
One of the things we talked about already is the way I start my morning. I’m very protective of that. I start my day with clarity and intention. One of my key rules is energy is discernment for me. It’s the barometer of, “This lights me up. It’s a full yes. I want to do this. This feels good. It’s energetic and I’m leaning in towards it,” versus the resistance, the should or you’re trying to talk yourself into it. The discernment on that is the joy. That can sound so life coach-y but it’s true. The joy is my discernment.
How much joy does this feel like? It’s that solid yes or full yes. “I want to say yes to this.” In life, a lot of times where we’re challenged is we’re saying yes to things we don’t want to do or we feel guilty or should. In some life, there is stuff you got to do as part of the job, role or life. The garbage has to go out. The laundry has to get done and either you or someone else is going to get that handled. The reports have to get done for work in the office. It’s not to say that everything is going to feel like a blissful experience but when we’re saying yes to different commitments, groups and invitations, it’s like when you reached out and said, “We’d love to have you on the show.” I was like, “Yes.”
That’s a yes because of your energy and I love being around you. I don’t even know what time it is. We’re in this experience and I’m loving it. For me, energy is often what leads my decision-making. Similar to you, I’m still extroverted to a degree but the older I get, the more introverted I am. I want more alone time to recharge my batteries. It’s those rules too of protecting that time and space where it’s like, “I can also give myself the ability to say no.” It’s because I’m clear when I’m saying no. When I’m saying yes to time and energy, that is a full yes. The more that we’re clear on our key priorities, it’s easier to navigate a yes and a no.
Also, be aware. It’s an open calendar. You might have an open evening. You get invited to this thing and you don’t want to miss out on the FOMO stuff and all of that. Without clarity, it’s easy to say yes to and be what we might call reactive versus proactive in our decision-making. For me, energy is a big part of my rules, rituals and choices. It’s that person, project or experience. I’ve been self-employed and at times, I’ve learned this. In the beginning, you’ll take any business. You are trying to make money and revenue and say, “Yes, yes, yes.”
With some time, discernment, wisdom and energy, not having money make my decision-making. Sometimes, I’ve been approached to do something and I’m always grateful. It’s never out of arrogance. It’s out of alignment. There have been times when I’ve turned down contracts, opportunities or things because it wasn’t the full energetic. The energy, even more than the money makes the decisions of where are we spending our time, what projects, what people and what groups or things I’m exploring.
To me, that is a big part of my compass in decision-making. How does that feel? What’s the energy of it? Is it nourishing and multiplying or is it draining regularly? We all, as part of humans, have experiences and things we do that might “drain us, deplete us or they’re not our favorite thing to do,” but if on repeat, spending time in that certain group or project is regularly like, “I can’t afford that energetically.”Ironically, the busier you are, the more you're going to need time to nourish your roots. Click To Tweet
You are wanting to be affected and not infected. It can sound a little life coach-y because these are things that we know but yet we choose to ignore a lot of the time or we don’t feel like we have permission often. I’m often working with leaders of other people, which is a great privilege for me because my impact is extended if I’m able to help somebody lead more effectively. One of those things is that permission is not always seemingly granted to do what we’re talking about here. It sounds good. They might even have workshops. They might even hire me or you to come in and show them or share it but the permission isn’t there. Have you noticed that?
Yeah. I’m glad you’re bringing this up because I coach a lot of women. Some men too, for sure. I have a handful but it’s more women than men because of the nature of the audiences I’ve spoken a lot into, referrals and all of that good stuff but I’m glad to hear this comes up too. It’s for men and women. This power of the concept of permission is that we’re often waiting for permission and women, especially, are unlearning some of that because they are trained to wait until you’re picked, asked and chosen. There’s therefore some of that permission work.
The pressure for the man too is like, “Who cares if you like it or not? You got to provide. Go to work, get it done and make it happen. Suck it up.” It’s like, “That makes my whole soul ache.” It is versus waiting for someone else to give us permission. This is where we come back to giving ourselves the permission to at least even explore the landscape. “How happy am I? Where am I truly in my fulfillment or contentment?” A lot of life, joy and fulfillment do come through the little things like the time with the grandbaby, watching a sunset or early morning coffee and reading a good book as the sun rises.
You’re doing the things this often or the littlest things that many times don’t cost money or require a lot of time but it’s coming back to taking ownership and that permission to say, “I’m going to look at where I’m at and what do I want more of. Am I in alignment with what is working well for me?” It’s not perfect but I’m feeling well-nourished, more vivacious, energetic and truly more often than not, excited about what I’m working on.
We see this exit or exodus even from jobs, which is so profound, the thing they call the Great Escape or the Great Resignation. On some level, it’s seeing or seeking a greener environment or grass that somehow or another, there’s going to be more out there. I get that. It’s a good sign that people have taken that action and yet, there’s a part of me that goes, “They are likely to find very similar things wherever they go.” I’m not being cynical. I would love to get your thoughts on this too. It seems like when the structures don’t change, you could change your job and earn more money.
A lot of people have learned how to do that, changing jobs to increase their pay but the sense that you’re run down, out of gas and looking for the exit ramp, that’s not necessarily going to change so other things change. I’d love to get your sense of that. What do you think has to change organizationally or operationally for there to be a true home? People would find their homes. We spent so much time at work. It’s like a 2nd home or maybe the 1st home for a lot of folks.
It’s yes and yes. Look at creating change. I have this graphic that’s in my main keynote deck of looking at self-love or success. There are three major influences. You have environments like you’re touching on. You have a mindset and habits but your mindset, habits and environments are shaping you directly and your sense of self-worth, self-confidence and success.
Changing up an environment is 1/3 of that pie so to speak. Is it a big influence? It sure is but to your point, if you take the same mindset and habits and place it in a new environment, the environment has influence. It’s like, “I’m more positive and healthier. I cuss a lot more based on this environment or in this space.” Whatever powers that environment is powerful.
By changing your environment or where you work, be a positive outcome. On the flip side, changing up where you go to work also leads you to the same outcome somewhere else because the mindset and habit stay the same so it’s also a yes. It’s looking at all three of those like the three legs on a stool like, “Where’s my mindset at, my beliefs, ownership and habits of how I’m showing up?”
It’s similar to relationships. Changing a relationship is a significant change and can be positive or more of the same as the past few relationships. If there are some things there for yourself and you’re not taking ownership or healing, they’ll show up again in another relationship. If you’re the same person with some of the things, in that environment, you will also see similar outcomes.
Sometimes the right answer is to change the environment. Leave a relationship, a job or a company if it’s like, “This is not in alignment for me.” It’s not either/or. It’s and. Also, looking at being clear on who I am, how I’m showing up and what are my habits or my mindset doing so I’m influencing the new environment I’m stepping into.
You increase the odds of success if you’re at least cognizant of the fact that it’s not just the environment. As the old saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I never get sick of that one because it’s so true and it hurts so good sometimes. I want to know how you define resilience. Would you share that with me?Sometimes people make it about time management but it’s an energy game. The person with the most energy wins. Click To Tweet
I met Adam at this gathering in April 2022 and he did an incredible presentation. Instantly, I was like, “I love what this guy is sharing. I love his energy and his t-shirt collection.” Let’s be honest, you have a great t-shirt collection. Doesn’t everyone want Adam’s t-shirt collection?
It’s the talking tees. There’s a whole other business model there.
He was asking us this question on resilience, “What have you learned in the last years?” It was a great reflection point. It brought me home to the resilience of learning to trust myself more so, come more inward and lean into the self-trust and the principles where I felt a stronger sense. The imagery and feeling that came up for me was the concept of a solid sturdy tree trunk. Sometimes that comes to you the way that you’re processing and learning.
For me, resilience has a lot about coming home to your roots. You talk about resilience and rituals and the power of that. For me, coming home to my roots, that’s coming inward with myself, my relationship with God, my spiritual knowledge of different things and trust. Come home to that sanctuary where you can prove it so to speak or touch it but you can feel it and there’s some knowing there. To me, resilience is about a sense of coming home to those kinds of principles and that truthful knowing.
To me, this is personal and not something that everybody will agree with or would adopt but if you’re at a point in your life where you’ve not explored creating a spiritual practice and I’m not talking about religion here. Plenty of people are observant and have sanctuaries in those houses of worship, which are wonderful. For me, the greatest gift that I’ve ever given myself, which didn’t happen until my late 40s was to create my practice and that is my non-negotiable.
That’s the rule. It’s very similar to yours. It begins the day. I got my grandmother’s voice in my head from time to time where she says, “Leave the house on the right foot.” I think about that in so many other contexts, how important it is that you lead with the right foot, energy and thoughts. It’s starting your day.
Why would you wait until mid-day to think about what you want or how you’re connected to the world, other people, spirit or wherever it takes you? It is an exploration. It is so rooting. It feels like a home that’s within me that has nothing to do with the home I’m living in at the time or where I am in the world.
That’s important for somebody that travels and speaks. I find myself as you do in various communities and places that I’ve never been to before. Some I have and some not. Also, to be so grounded and rooted in it. It’s not about where we are. It’s about who we are and how we feel that. I don’t want to force it but I have this in my head about these SWs.
It will bring us home but a little bit of perspective. The four SWs stand for Some Will, Some Won’t; So What- Someone’s Waiting. Sometimes when I’m on a panel or someone’s show, it depends on what I’ve been hired to speak on for a group, we’ll wrap with this particular principle and story because it’s great life and sales advice whether it’s in a more personal or for business. When you think about sales, what’s the big resistance people have about sales or selling? What would you say that is? I’m curious about your thoughts. Why do people struggle to sell at the time?
Is it to sell or to be sold to?
To be the salesperson and put themselves out there.
You have more experience here than I do. People have a very difficult time with rejection. They don’t like to be told no.As humans, we crave for familiarity and certainty, but we must learn to dance in the unknown and enjoy it because that’s where the magic happens. Click To Tweet
I get it. You’re putting yourself out there whether you’re inviting someone to lunch, take a look at your product or come out to your gathering. We’re putting ourselves out there. Most people, if I ask them, “Are you passionate about your product or service,” they’ll likely say yes or they wouldn’t be doing it. I spend more time in self-employed entrepreneurship work. People have chosen it. It’s their business or part of a business. It’s personal and passionate to them. I’d say, “What’s getting in your way of making those sales calls or reaching out?” Often, it’s this fear and resistance, the fear of what will people think of me.
When you think about what most fear comes back to, it’s the fear of failure. If you tried it and no one ever knew you tried it and you “failed,” would you care? A lot of it is, “How am I being perceived?” We’re doing image management. “I don’t want to feel rejected.” A lot of times, the irony with fear though is we’re afraid to feel the feeling. We’ve all been rejected and lived through it. I also like to reframe rejection that you’re technically usually the same. If I say, “Adam, do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow,” and you say no or maybe you don’t even respond. You’re radio silence. What matters is all the story I make that means in my head. If you tell me no, technically, I’m in the same, not worse off.
You weren’t having lunch with me before I asked you and you’re still not having lunch with me after I asked you. I’m the same. It’s in my mind that I make it personal. As humans, it’s very common to feel nervous or fearful about selling around and putting ourselves out there. You coach also people to help them with public speaking and sharing. That’s a little bit of backdrop with this story because of how I came to learn this. Some of you have heard this phrase before. “Some Will, Some Won’t; So What- Someone’s Waiting” is the reality that if you share yourself more, more people will say, yes. There’ll be people that will say no or at least no now.
It might be a timing issue. They might need more trust or timing and down the road, they’ll hire you, call you, book you or buy from you. The concept of the so what and then someone’s waiting. Many moons ago, I was brand new to sales. Never in a million years did I think I’d be in sales, Adam. How many of us when we were 8, 9 or 10 years old thought, “When I grow up, I’d be in sales?” You won’t think that and neither were your parents. Your parents are going to be, “When Adam grows up, if he ends up in sales, he’s arrived.” No, you were going to be a lifeguard, an attorney or much more noble things in society than a salesperson. There’s a lot of mindset to that.
Not understanding that being in sales is our ability to communicate, solve problems for people, provide solutions, help serve them and take care of their needs. People who are great in sales are simply truly great at a relationship. They ask good questions, show up, help you identify your change, problems and needs and get those needs met.
When you think about being great, we all had a story. I grew up in Utah. I thought I was going to be a traditional classroom-based teacher with special needs. I worked in 3 classrooms for over 2 years. In elementary, I had classrooms with kiddos with different challenges, kids on the autism spectrum, Down syndrome and behavioral challenges. I supported the teacher as an aid while I was doing my education at university.There are people who are absolutely looking for your program, product, or service. And they're looking to work with someone just like you. You just have to be persistent. Click To Tweet
For me, I thought I was going to be a traditional classroom-based teacher. I worked in some different classrooms here in Utah, supporting the main teacher as an aid in special needs classrooms. I’ve always had a soft spot for that. I thought I was going to get married, be a stay-at-home mom, raise three babies and sell Halloween costumes. That was the vision for my life and it looks very different. I have put dogs in Halloween costumes. I’ve become the woman I used to judge like, “They are an animal. Do not dress them up,” but I’ve done it a few times, Adam. I thought we’d get that out there in our friendship.
I’ve outgrown that. It’s not happened in the last few years. The point being is I never thought I’d be in sales ever. I was going to be a school teacher and raise babies. Not understanding the power of what that means that when you’re great at sales, you’re great at the relationship. Here I am, by happenstance, on a double date in college. The woman in the other couple, her father owns a training development company and I was fascinated by it. I loved education and we’re learning. Within a few months, I’m working for this firm and learning the ins and outs of training and development in a very entry-level position. I started that and became aware of Franklin Covey. Within a short amount of time, I went to work for Franklin Covey.
It has then put my life on a different trajectory but I went to work for them in sales in an entry-level position, calling cold leads and learning the process of selling over the phone coaching program. This is back in 2001, the beginning of that. This is when you’re still explaining to people what a coach is. It wasn’t the mass-adapted buzzword.
Here’s what happened. In my very first week of training there, keep in mind that I’m in a brand-new job. I’m 23 or 24 years old and had never been in sales. I have no real sales background but I’m super passionate about The 7 Habits, true principles, education and all of that. We’re starting selling, calling through cold leads and had sales training. There’s me and other salespeople learning. We’re going through a training class together.
I was talking to lots of people. I go through my very first script, five days on the job. I’m talking to a woman named Beth. She lives on the East Coast. We’re having this nice connection and we get to the end of this presentation. I invite her to join this coaching program with Stephen Covey’s work. She says, “Yes.” It was my first yes. It’s like that first kiss and you’re euphoric.
It got me signed up and how I’m helping her. We sign up and I’m on a high. That’s on a Monday. A full week into the job, I get my first sale. It’s Tuesday the next day and like most things in any industry that you buy, you have a time window to return it. In this case, you had 3 days to cancel your coaching program for a full refund, a 3-day right of rescission.
On the very next day, I’m on a headset. It’s insight sales in an open cubicle environment. I’m on another presentation when I get this notification from customer service that Beth, my very first sale, has decided to cancel. I was defeated. I had no mindset training. I’m thinking what kinds of thoughts? Things like, “Where did I get this wrong? How did I mess this up?” This is a straight commission scenario so you have to close sales. There are no draws. I’m heavy in that funk that mindset and thinking pretty like, even for me, the most potent thought is like, “Maybe I’m not cut out for this. I don’t have what it takes.” I don’t even like saying that.
When we’re in those kinds of thoughts, they show up in our body and energy. Imagine how my body energy looked. It’s an open cubicle environment and I’m deflated. I’m thinking thoughts of, “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. This is maybe a bad omen. It’s a sign because my very first sale cancels. This is not good.” Here comes my boss who’s walking the sales floor. He went on to become a very dear friend and mentor but I didn’t know him well at all. I was a few days in on this job. He was a former CIA with the United States government. He was very crisp, shall we say.
He’s walking the floor but because energy is so palpable, do you think he can pick up on my energy? One hundred percent. He walks by my desk and pauses. He steps back, looks at me and goes, “What’s up with you?” I’m 23 or 24 years old at the time. I mute my phone because I’m on another presentation. He was standing. I’m sitting at a desk. I looked up to him with these big doe eyes and say, “My sale was canceled.” He looked at me and grabbed my yellow pad off my desk. He moved it towards him and grab the pen. In big, bold strokes he writes and underlines it. He pushes it back to me. Guess what it says?
Yes, but I was like, “Are you serious?” I’m this young girl who has no corporate experience and all of this stuff. It was a state change. It woke me up because part of me wanted to burst into tears. I was at this ironic crossroads. It snapped me out of where I was because he was like, “So what?” Part of me wanted to take the path of, “I’m going to burst into tears and cry.” In my mind, tell the story, “This is the meanest man I’ve ever met. What an insensitive jerk. Are you kidding me? It’s a big deal. My first sale was canceled. I’m in the funky fun.” The other part of me, the other crossroads was like, “I’m so pissed off. What a jerk. I’m going to give him a piece. Are you serious?”
It snapped me out of this moment that I’m forever grateful for. At that moment, he cared more about mentoring me than comforting me. That’s great leadership and parenting sometimes. That willingness is because where I was going, I was full on planting seeds in the ZIP code of discouragement. Some of the best coaching advice I’ve ever received comes from my mama. My mom would say this to me at different points growing up. Every once in a while, I still hear it because I’m still growing up. She would say this to me, “Tiff, if you’re going through hell, don’t stop and build a house there.” That’s so good. While we all visit the ZIP code of discouragement, it matters that we don’t put in a pool there.
We all can be discouraged. I was discouraged. I had no mindset training. I was banking my whole career thinking thoughts. “Maybe I’m out of here. I made a huge mistake to take this position. This is straight commission. I don’t know if I’m cut out for it. Maybe I can’t hang with it.” That mentor and that moment state changed me. It felt so cold. With those big doe eyes, I expected him to be like, “Get off the presentation. Let’s go get a diet coconut brownie in the cafeteria. We’re going to love this out of you.” I thought I was going to get coddled because that felt like support. Instead of true mentoring and truth-telling, it was an eye-opener.
I went on to be the first female in that company’s history to be what they call a top ten performer. I quadrupled my income in a year. It’s my first time ever being in my early mid-twenties as a female in Utah making six figures. That was a massive change for me but it came from me changing my mind and belief. When people say, “If you could only share one piece of life advice or sales advice, it is those four SWs. Some Will, Some Won’t; So what – Someone’s Waiting.” Some people are looking for your program, product and service. They’re looking to work with someone like you that’s like, “This is the right fit.” It’s the willingness and lesson of persistence and mindset on how we see it.
I do love the four SWs. They’re here in my office. They remind me of that lesson. It was one of those crossroad moments in my growth. It was intense for that moment but it was such a window. It’s a shift of state of changing my thinking. It’s like, “So what.” A sale cancels, a contract falls through or you’re dating someone and they decide they don’t want to date you anymore.
I wouldn’t maybe be as “So what.” Be gentle with yourself but also realize that life and sales success is not about the most attractive person, the smartest person or the person with the best Ivy League education. Much of life sales and successful relationships have to do with willingness and persistence.
It’s like, “I’m going to work through the challenges and keep moving forward.” That was one of those moments for me. I’m forever grateful for it because I don’t think I’d be here with you. All that I’ve experienced what’s been created were one of those foundational life lessons that I’ve visited many times. Many times, I shake and dust myself off. “We’re going to keep moving. Someone’s waiting for a new project or opportunity,” those types of things that you get to practice.
I so love that we had the time to get that. I’m happy that we can land the plane right there because it’s a beautiful spot. I would love to have you on the show again. I’m sure that’s what we’re going to get as feedback from people, our readers and everybody. We’ll work that out because there’s a lot more ground for us to cover. You are amazing. I love being in your energy. We became very fast friends in that short period. You get to a point in your life where you just know. “Is this somebody that will give me energy or is this somebody who’s taking energy from me?” I don’t have a lot of patience or time for people that are energy suckers.
I want to be with people that I do feel filled up by. I’m a giver. I’m happy to do my share of it but I feel more than full from what you shared, Tiff. Everybody else has gotten tremendous value out of this. We’d love to get your thoughts, feedback and questions. You can pose those to me or Tiffany. Go to AdamMarkel.com/Podcasts. Do it there. We’d love to get a review and all the good stuff. If you know somebody and I’m sure we all know somebody that would love to know some of what Tiffany shared, including that last story because that was epic, feel free to share this episode with your friends, your family and others too. Tiffany, thanks for being here.
I love being in your space and your energy too. It’s such a fun connection plus snacks. It’s good energy and snacks. That’s always going to be a yes. Thank you, sincerely, for the good work you’re doing in the world. It’s a joy.
I so love that conversation with Tiffany Peterson in the greatest way to me because she’s got this wisdom and insight, this wonderful vocabulary and language that she uses. You could tell how seasoned a speaker, coach and facilitator she has worked at becoming because it’s so evident. I love where our talk tracks. We talked about self-leadership, how it is that we develop self-trust and why that’s so important as a way to ground ourselves, root ourselves, be able to start our day and powerfully continue our day. These are such tangible things.
We’ve talked about self-care. She said a bit life coach-y and some of these concepts. She helped us to bring those things to life and how tangible and non-negotiable they are in our busy lives and the lives of so many of us, whether you’re working in an organization, leading other people or an organization of your own. You’re an entrepreneur or whatever it might be.
It’s so vital that we have enough energy. We are able to replenish our energy and raise our energy to meet the challenges of the moment and meet the moment where it is, which is disruptive. Its velocity is ever-increasing. It’s changing so rapidly and that’s not likely to change. That’s only likely to increase. To learn how it is that you light yourself up and you’re able to recharge and reenergize is so fundamentally important. We talked about the Great Resignation and how it is that in this world that we’re living in, we can change our environment.
Often, that’s a good idea for some people to move on and change their environment but if you don’t change your mindset and habits, it’s a bit like one of the legs of the stool. The three-legged stool is missing and then we know how stable that will make us. She told the four SWs’ stories. It comes at the end and it’s such a beautiful lead-up to it. I would hope that you’d read the entire episode and find it but I’m going to let you know that those come at the end. It’s breathtaking and amazing.
We talked about how it is that we can learn how to be tender beings or honor the tender beings that we already are, how to be gentle with ourselves and how vitally important it is. This is a talk that is going to resonate with so many of you. We’d love to hear from you about it but I want you to sit back and enjoy.
- Tiffany Peterson
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
- Podcast – Past episode on Tiffany Peterson Podcast
- Change Proof
- Art of the Nap
- The Road Less Traveled
About Tiffany Peterson
Speaker, Coach, and Top Show Podcaster, Tiffany Peterson is passionate about helping others live life with intention while implementing key success habits to create a thriving life and business.