A Relationship Pivot: Happy Uncoupling With Jennifer Hurvitz

 

Perhaps one of life’s biggest pivots is that of a divorce. And, similar to all pivots, there is a creative opportunity inherent in this relationship pivot. Joining Adam Markel on the show is Jennifer Hurvitz, a Certified Divorce Specialist, public speaker, bestselling author and host of Doing Divorce Right Podcast. Jennifer believes in a “happily ever after” with divorce and shares strategies for a successful uncoupling, even after a disastrous relationship. Make no mistake, there ARE very hard questions to handle, such as how to be cordial in the face of anger and resentment, or how to raise kids together from a place of happiness while living apart. But take it from Jennifer and her clients who are examples that it’s possible to successfully pivot into a happy life in spite of it. Jennifer and Adam discuss strategies for doing divorce right, as well as doing relationships right in the first place to possibly avoid divorce.

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A Relationship Pivot: Happy Uncoupling With Jennifer Hurvitz

I have a great guest and her name is Jennifer Hurvitz. She is known for her no-nonsense approach to all things love, sex and relationships, and is proud to say she’s made quite a career out of a disastrous set of circumstances, which include her own divorce. She’s a Certified Divorce Specialist or CDS, public speaker, bestselling author, host of Doing Divorce Right Podcast, and divorced since 2014. She lives in Charlotte with her two teenage boys through her popular blog, The Truth Hermits and weekly podcasts. She helps people understand what a happy divorce can look like and how to dip their toes back into the dating world. She loves sharing her insight and how to stay in a successful marriage as well. She has also been featured on O, The Oprah Magazine, Bustle, Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Suburban Misfit Mom and many others. Jennifer, welcome to the show. What’s not written in that bio that you would love for people to know about?

I’m happy that my life is doing well. It started out with crappy the last many years. I took my divorce and made it into a career, which a lot of us do after divorce. We don’t know what to do. I was in a thirteen-year marriage and a stay-at-home mom. I gave up my career as a DJ to stay home with my kids and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. One day I was like, “I’m divorced. What am I going to do?” I had no clue and I’m here.

This idea of okay being happy, that’s its own little thing. I’m not saying that you’re uncomfortable in saying that, but it is one of those things where Brené Brown talks a lot about it. Sometimes vulnerability is as much about admitting that things are going well that, “I’m in a good place. My life is working.” My TED Talk was all about Loving Your Life and a lot of people push back on that. They’re not ready to own the joy in their life as easily as they will own the pain.

As I’m working on my TED Talk, choose happy is part of it. One of my coaches said to me, “You can’t tell people to choose happy because if people are depressed, we’re going to be upset by that.” I was like, “I don’t agree.” Depression, anxiety and all of that stuff, I have that going on to put it out there and I’m like, “I’m going to choose happy like I choose my underwear. I’m going to wake up, own it and step in that space.” It’s a choice to be happy.

Being that we choose, as you said, we can choose to be happy or choose to look at things through a lens that provides us opportunities versus the places where we’ve been aggrieved. Maybe people are more comfortable. Maybe the underwear that they put on is the underwear of pain and the story of suffering and we all have it.

When I first got divorced, everyone says to me, “One Happy Divorce,” which is one of my books and “Doing Divorce Right. How are you happy?” I’m like, “I’m not saying One Happy Divorce or Doing Divorce Right, I’m not happy to be divorced, I’m in a happy divorce. Those are two different things.” I don’t wake up one day and say, “I’m happy I’m going to get divorced.” There’s nothing happy about divorce, but I chose to do divorce right. I looked at my ex-husband and I said, “You’re either stuck with me forever or we’re going to do this the right way. We’re going to be amicable, kind, nice to each other and make it as easy on the kids as we possibly can,” because this sucks, there’s nothing good about divorce. I hated it.

How could it not suck? If there are no kids involved, it’s no sucks, but it’s a very different thing. I’m a child of divorce. My parents are married almost 25 years, before I got on with you, I was like, “Mom, I got to go.” She’s the same as ever and comes a long way. Many years ago, she was talking about her divorce. I don’t even talk about it in a nice way or another.

I’m not saying that there aren’t divorces that have to happen. I’m not saying stay in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship. Get out. That’s not what I’m saying. I feel like I jumped too soon. I thought the grass was going to be greener. My therapist was married, my parents were married for 50 years, my sister and friends were married. I was like, “This isn’t working. I’m going to leave.” Do the work because it sucks, the grass is not greener. I know I’m going all over the place. My point is you have to choose to be happy. My friends were like, “How are you?” I’m like, “I was miserable and sad, but then I woke up one day and said, ‘I have to flip a switch.’ I cannot be angry and upset and sad for the rest of my life. I have to turn these lemons into lemonade somehow.” I started it right.

Why can’t you? Don’t people do that?

Some of my clients do.

You can tell it from people. You look in somebody’s eyes and you know where anger is. That’s a choice.

I feel like people get mad at me and they push back as they push back with your TED Talk. They get angry and say to me, “I get up every day and still angry with my ex for whatever they’ve done.” They take no accountability. They don’t own it. In my first book, people say to me, “I can’t believe you said this stuff that you said.” I was a bitch. There’s a reason why I’m divorced. If I was nice every day and had sex all the time, I wouldn’t be here. Let’s be honest, it takes two. You have to own your crap. I look at my husband now and we’re best friends and people say, “Why don’t you get back together?” We don’t want that. I’m not regretting my divorce. I’m regretting the way I treated him and the way that we ended before we did the work because we didn’t know better. Looking back many years out of it, I’m like, “If I would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, I can help other people.”

You speak to a lot of other people there they’re involved in your work. What are some of the things that you’ve learned about the process that you wish you would’ve known five years before the end of your marriage?

There is nothing happy about a divorce, but you can choose to do divorce right. Click To Tweet

I wish I would have known that it’s not only my life was going to change, drastically with my friendships, but my kids’ friendships. I had no idea about the pain that they were going to door friendship wise. I knew my friendships were going to change. Everyone said, “Your friends will stick by you.” No, they don’t. I have the best divorce and the best of the worst. We’re amicable. We thought we’d make it easy for everyone, “We’re a team. We’re going to stick together. We nested. We still sit together in baseball games,” but we figured they choose one or the other.

They let us both go. My kids’ friends went too because nobody knew, instead of inviting Jonah and Zach to the birthday parties, they said, “Forget them also.” My kids had no friends at school and no one wants to talk to them and didn’t get invited on the ski trips anymore. I’m like, “You could take them still, I’ll send money.” No one wanted them. It’s devastating. You can’t even believe it. I had no idea the impact that was going to have on my kids. I thought they’ll be resilient and be fine. They’re not. It’s horrifying, what they go through.

What’s another thing that you wish you had known years beforehand? Relationships are tough. There are people that are saying, “It’s easy for you to say that.” I’ll say this, I’m married to the same person I met in college. She’s awesome. That’s true and yet, she’s a human being. I speak well of my wife, it’s easy to because she truly is this lovely human being. I’m not even kidding. She’ll look at me and says, “You’re the more evolved one. You’re like the Buddha.” I’m like, “I’m a recurring anger-holic and nasty on the inside.” She has her stuff. Being married in many years and getting up to that milestone that where I knew my parents had petered out around that time, that was a weird time for us.

When I was young my dad took me in someplace. We were living in an apartment building. I’m like, “Where are we? What are we doing?” We go into this apartment and it’s vacant. We start walking around, it was two bedrooms. At some point, he looks at me and says, “I’m thinking about leaving and go. I’m splitting with your mom and I want us to be together. This would be where you would live with me. I’m not going to do anything without your approval.” I looked at him and I said, “I want our family to stay together,” when he was in pain and their marriage was, from his perspective, certainly sucked. He looked at me and said, “Tell me whether I can do this. Do I have permission to do this?” I told him, “No.”

The statistics will tell you, kids would rather be in a house where their parents are yelling and screaming, than have their parents apart.

In part, because that’s also where we learn what love means. All this time, from then and the wonderful work, the reading and the people, I find that universally accepted that those first 7 or 8 years are the time when we determine for ourselves. This is a large part of what you do in the world and your work is about love. People come into relationships with their own personal identity and their own definition of what love looks like. That’s why you can’t imagine somebody would stay with an abusive spouse. Yet for them, if that’s what love means, if that’s what attention means because it’s what they grew up seeing or experiencing, as odd as that sounds, as distorted as it even sounds that you would equate love with physical, mental, or emotional abuse. It is the fact that we gravitate toward what we find familiar and what we know to be true.

It’s hard for me too because I have clients or friends that come to me and they’re like, “I’m thinking. My heart isn’t fluttering anymore. The garage door goes up at the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’m in love anymore.” I want to choke them. I want to look at my girlfriends or clients and say, “You’re not in love anymore? You’re going to throw away your family because your heart doesn’t flutter at the end of the day? Here’s a book that I wrote. Here’s my life. Check it out because you are out of your mind.” It is beyond shocking to me how people are quick.

It’s the quickness that immediate gratification they need, they don’t want to put the work in. All relationships are hard. They’re all work. Life is tough. If you think that the work that you’re doing in your marriage is any more difficult than to be happily divorced. It’s work to be happily divorced. Your hardest to co-parent with someone that you’re angry with or you’re at a matter resentful? This is a whole different ball game. I tell my clients, “Go home, dig deep and figure out, ‘Is this what you want?’” It’s 9 out of 10 times, they come back like, “Thank God you gave me that book.” I scared the crap out of people.

Tell me if you agree with this, it is the responsibility of anybody that’s in relationship to do the work on yourself first and foremost. If we think about the fact that the way that we define love has everything to do with who we attract as a mate and what that relationship looks like once we do connect with somebody. If it’s not working, if there’s something that’s showing up that you don’t appreciate, you have to ask yourself, “What’s my responsibility in this? What’s my work to do? What’s not my responsibility? What’s not my work to do?” It has to start with us. Even early in the marital relationship with Randi, I was modeling a number of the same traits and same things I saw in the house growing up. The histrionics, these outbursts at the time and a lot of drama, I caught it because I didn’t want the same outcome. What was good for me at that time, as I look back at it now was that I knew that the outcome that was promised by modeling or repeating that same behavior was one I didn’t want.

That’s the wish that I have for them is that they say, “I don’t want.” I hope that happens to them.

The conversation around that is important as well, because people don’t want to sit down necessarily with their kids and talk about their divorce or talk about how badly they’ve behaved. If there is bad behavior that’s going to come up in that discussion, you know what kind of bad behavior was that. It’s your father or mother. It’s always going to be directed at them. They’re the bad actors.

I tell my clients that there’s no badmouthing. He shot me, “I’ve set up rules.” It’s hard to stick to them when you’re angry. The numbers of divorce are getting larger every day. It’s more than 50% and it’s happening. The divorce rates of Millennials are lower. They’re doing things right. They’re waiting longer to get married. It’s not because they care about marriage less, it’s because they care about marriage more, which is fabulous. Helen Fisher, she’s a biological anthropologist and talks about slow love, which I love her.

She talks about waiting longer and they’re not feeling the pressures from their parents like we did. I felt the pressure. I was 27. I was the last of all my friends to get married and have kids. My parents sent me to Israel on a singles mission. I came back and six months later got pregnant, got engaged, married and pregnant within a year. I didn’t even know the guy. I love him. My ex-husband is the best, but I had to get divorced for us to become friends, which is sad. My kids are like, “You’ve talked all the time. What’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to be divorced.” That doesn’t happen. It’s rare to have a relationship.

 

There are folks that are in solid relationships, people that are questioning the relationships they’re in. People, some are on their way out or those that have left already. For the folks that are already out, what’s one thing that has helped you to be able to talk about your ex-husband the way you do? Also, you can be in the same room with each other. I’ve spent time with people who cannot spend time in the same room, let alone the same state even with their ex.

It’s all about your ego. You have to put your ego aside and your kids first. If you think about you, it’s all about your kids. This is the craziest thing. During a divorce, you have to put your kids first, during a marriage, they have to come second. Your relationship has to come first during the marriage. Every time I talk about it, people go, “I can’t believe she said that. What do you mean?” By the end of the talk that I give, they’re like, “She’s right.” In my generation, I watched my mom put kids first. That’s what I did. I got married. My kids came out of my vagina and I said, “Mark, you’re second now, Jonah is first.” He looked at me and thought I was kidding. I honestly thought that’s how it was supposed to be. I thought they came first. I was following the rules. In my public speaking, I ask everybody, “Who puts her kids first?” Everyone raises their hands because they think that’s the right answer.

What’s the badge of honor? More for women than for men.

Guess when I ask men what they put first? I say, “Who put their jobs before their kids?” They all go.

They’re supposed to protect. That’s in the DNA. Aren’t women and mothers supposed to nurture their kids? Isn’t that their first responsibility?

What happens when you put each other first? The minute you put your relationship first, automatically by default, your kids come first because they see the most amazing thing.

If you were going to give your kids with a magic wand. One wonderful gift in life. It would be the ability to have great relationships throughout their lives. What else would you give them? Do you want to give them health? That’s going to be as high on the list. The truth of the matter is that even health comes second in some respects to the quality of your relationships.

What happens when they see a mom and dad that are happy, they’re in love and kissing each other and they go, “Stop kissing.” You’re holding hands, they’re like, “I can’t believe mom and dad are so in love,” and then what happens? You have sex. The oxytocin, dopamine and your hormones. Everybody is happy because when mom and dad are happy, all of us are happy. Everybody is happy. That’s what happens. So automatically by putting your each other first and nurturing your relationship and your bond that you have together, bingo.

It is a paradox that it is selfish to be selfless. I had that conversation with my father-in-law when he was alive and I miss him every day. This was an area of dispute for us because he’s not around because, in my view, he didn’t take great care of himself. He wasn’t putting himself first.

Did you say that during your TED Talk? You said that you weren’t taking care of you.

I wasn’t. The irony is that I was the one going down in my own water. I was drowning and it took one of our kids to point it out to me to hold the mirror up, which is great. At some point, that road doesn’t lead to good places when we put ourselves second. When we put our relationship with ourselves second, to our kids, it then putting our relationship with our spouse.

I didn’t get all this until I got divorced, because I was sitting in Malibu, overlooking the ocean and I was listening to Andre Quinn and she was talking about her relationships. She’s divorced three times and she finally got it. She was telling the story about her ex-husband and how she used to yell at him every time he put a glass on the top rack in her dishwasher, it would break and she would go, “Nuts on him. Why couldn’t he figure it out and did it or not.” I’m sitting there and going, “That was me. I was masculating.” I always thought, “Mark, I could do it better, faster and quicker.” I was awful to him. I started crying and I called him, I found a soft spot, we’re separated already and said, “Mark, I’m sorry. For ten years, I was awful.” He said, “Jennifer, stop beating yourself up. You weren’t awful. I was awful. We were both awful.” I said, “No, stop. Let me apologize. I am sorry. I was masculating.” He said, “It’s okay.” You have to take accountability for what you’ve done in your relationships so you can move forward and that’s what I needed. I didn’t see that until it was too late.

Are women confused?

Just like it takes work to be in a happy relationship, it takes work to be in a happy divorce. Click To Tweet

I always get in trouble when I answer this because people always say to me that I went in bash is I’m pro-male, because I think women are not confused. They need to get sat down and told, “Maybe I should talk to them all.”

What would you tell women if you could sit them down all at once and have some words with them?

When I talk, I put the men on one side of the women on the other. I always look at the women and I say, “If you don’t treat your husbands kinder, stop nagging them and you don’t start having sex with them, you’re going to end up divorced.” I look at the men and I say to them, “If you don’t start listening when your wife speaks to you, you’re going to be in a bad.” It takes those sides. Every time I say to the men, “Whose wife nags?” All the hands go up. Every time I say to the women, “Whose men don’t listen?” All the hands go up. Those are the big things that happen. Everyone’s house is the same, but I always say it flat out, “If you don’t have sex with your husband, he will find somebody who will.”

A friend of ours wrote a famous book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I’ve got to get John on the show and have the same conversation. It’s definitely a two-way street. I asked that question because I feel like gender, the traditional roles have definitely changed. I’m not wanting to say that that’s a good thing or not a good thing. They’ve changed. There were adjustment periods. Maybe we’re in the grand scheme of the history of humanity. This is one of those little times where sociologists 100 years from now with the benefit of study research of what happened. They’ll look at us and go, “This is what happened to the institution of marriage. This is what happened in relationships when there was this blurring of some distinct lines that people were following.” I don’t know that we can say it’s a good or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

How do you feel about technology though? Throw technology into the mix and Facebook and you should see the stats on that.

On my phone, there’s Lake Tahoe, it’s gorgeous and it’s beautiful. The color is grayscale because I watched the documentary about exactly what’s happening with our mobile devices and what’s in it for the likes of any company that does their business primarily through a mobile app. Other than ride-sharing companies, these companies are looking for eyeballs. It’s all about the more time we spend, the more time we’re looking, the more time we’re consuming, we’re interacting and engaging, the more money they make for everything, for their advertising, for the information that they share with or without our consent.

This interviewer in this documentary said to this person who was one of the early tech people programmers at a large platform, “Do you have a smartphone?” He goes, “I do.” She says, “You’re saying that we shouldn’t be on the devices or on the apps because the apps are sucking, stealing our time and ultimately manipulating us to do what they’re looking for, but you have one.” He goes, “Because I need it for this, for that, I’ve got to check my email. I get texts. I’m no different than anybody else, but I’ve only engaged in the apps. I’m not spending time on those apps. Part of the reason why I’m not is that I broke the hole. It’s like I broke the spell.” She said, “What was the spell?”

He said, “They’re designed using colors and sound.” Among other things, but we take in more information and the bandwidth for us is primarily coming from what we visually see. The colors and everything that’s on that screen, it’s designed to keep us coming back. It’s like the little red number at the top. It shows you how many messages, how many likes, comments or whatever it is. These are the things that have you continue to go back and look and open it. That’s what it’s intended to be. It’s a great thing and it’s purposeful.” The sounds. Every time you hear that little ding that says you have a message. There are studies that say that when you hear or see that little red signal, it triggers inside of us the fight or flight response, meaning constantly producing on it during the day low levels of cortisol.

We’re in a low-level state of anxiety a lot of the day. I didn’t need to have the research and go further. I said to myself, “Do I want to spend more time on my device than I want to spend being present with other people?” We all know what it’s like to walk out in the street and see people that used to be no one would make eye contact in Manhattan because that would mean you could get in a fight or something. Now, you don’t have to worry about making eye contact because people are all staring at their screens and you go to dinner, there are families and dates staring at their screens. We’ve all seen it. We all get it and the question is, “Am I going to be part of someone else’s manipulative business model or am I going to decide for myself whether I want to spend more time on my device or staring at it and staring into the eyes of somebody that I want to know, care about, and listen to?”

After about ten minutes, I figured out how to get my phone to grayscale. I have the best of what I think are both worlds. I’ve got everything I need or want or whatever it is for business, but I’m not playing that game the same way. My time with this thing is down by probably two-thirds because it’s boring. There’s nothing interesting. I love black and white pictures. It is awesome. You weren’t even thinking, “That’s the Lake Tahoe. Why does it look the way it looks?” That’s the only thing. When I want to see a picture of the kids or some other thing in color, I’ll either go on my laptop to see it or I’ll go on my website. Do you want to spend more time having more sex? Get off your device. We’re studying and researching the topic of resilience. We talk a lot about how important resilience is. When we talk about whether you’re in a relationship that needs work or you’re out of a relationship that was intolerable, whatever that looks like, resilience is a big component of it. I’d love to get your definition or your take on, what resilience looks like and means to you?

When I was younger and growing up, I never thought it was resilient. I quit everything. When it got hard, when it gets tough, I quit. I was a great cheerleader, but when it was too tough, I quit. I was in the theater when I got the lead, it was fine but if I didn’t, I quit. If it got you to vote math and I was fine, I was good at a lot of things, but it wasn’t great at one thing. I don’t know if I was scared of success or I was scared of not being good enough. That’s what it was. I wasn’t resilient at all. My divorce and my kids taught me, I didn’t want them to see me fail again. I failed at my marriage and I wasn’t going to let it happen again. I became resilient automatically and then I won’t stop now. It’s hard. I get up every day and I’m like, “I’m tired,” but I won’t quit. For my children, they made me more resilient. I get up and I’m like, “You’ve got to do it, Jen. Dig deep and find it.”

The way I look at rituals is that there is a conscious attempt to change something. There’s something we want to change. We say, “I’m going to do this in order to get that change to happen.” Habits are different. When we think about habits, I look at them as the things we don’t think about that we have mastered to a certain level. When we brush our teeth 18,000 times, we’ve mastered that skill. By mastered, I don’t mean we even do a great job because we know every time we go to the dentist, they tell us what a shitty job we do in brushing our teeth. Doing it 18,000 times doesn’t mean you become a master at anything. This idea of consciously choosing to do something, to create something like resilience, is there something that you can look at in the daily things you do with a consciousness that produces greater resilience? If not, for some reason, maybe this is the moment where you decide.

I think I need to do something. I want to meditate everyone. Do you meditate?

 

I do. It’s a funny part of my TED where I said, “I’m a crappy meditator.” There was something about saying that out loud in front of many people and laughing about it, that went to me, “Do I have to continue to be a crappy meditator because I declared that out loud.?” I’m not a crappy meditator.

I can meditate. I used to think I couldn’t. I tell all my guru people and they say, “You can.” I said, “I can’t. I’m too hyper. I can’t do it,” but you can. That’s my that’s my goal. I’m going to try to meditate and do it, and be more intentional about happening.

What do you think you’ll get out of doing that?

I was diagnosed with autoimmune disease. I have to have infusions. I will find inner peace and be more grounded. Sometimes I feel like my shoulders are always up.

Everybody can figure out how being more calm, peaceful and grounded would help with resilience with your ability to keep going.

You find people for a reason, like you and this connection and people that keep you going.

My grandmother’s form of cleverness where there’s an intelligence and it’s not a silly thing. Thanks for being on the show. Thanks for sharing vulnerably, transparently to what’s going on and what has happened. It’s not necessarily over, just because the relationship isn’t going well, or the trajectory is like a death spiral. It doesn’t mean you can’t pull up. I believe in miracles, I wake up every day in addition to saying those words, “I love my life. I wonder what miracles are coming today.” I said that out loud while Randi and I were lying in bed and we had a little giggle about it.

There are miracles all the time. If you believe that if you buy that and I can’t imagine any adult person who does not have a lot of their own living proof of what a miracle can be. Not just the fact that you are breathing at this moment, but the fact that you could be reading to a show of two people, you may have never heard of, never know, never met, but you’re on your pallet, on the treadmill, walking in the desert, in a car or at work. Whatever it is that you’re doing, this is a freaking bonafide miracle and that you’re breathing and alive, and you’re sitting standing or lying down on a great big ball of dirt that is the size of a grain of sand in spinning in infinite space.

For real, you can’t put any faith in a miracle. Somehow that’s happening. That’s all going on. The tides are coming in and going out. There’ are animals that are doing things that are remarkable. All that’s happening in somehow or another, you can’t turn around a shitty relationship. You can’t figure out a way to be kinder or to be more compassionate or to be more present with someone or to express love. Even if it doesn’t mean you’re going to live together forever or even if it doesn’t mean whatever it doesn’t mean. You can extend love to someone in your life that you don’t feel like extending left hip or forgiveness. It’s all possible. I’m happy that we got to have this conversation. Folks out there, we’d love to get your feedback. I know Jennifer is doing amazing things in the world. She got a great website. There are many places to learn and she’s great at everything. Leave your comments at AdamMarkel.com/podcast and if you haven’t subscribed, subscribe to the show, we’d love to get your feedback.

A reminder for the ritual when we wake up, put your feet on the floor. If you can do that, that’s a miracle all by itself. Not everybody gets to do that. Take a deep breath, pause for ten seconds before you get on to the ordinary and important things of the day, like getting that coffee made, getting the shower in, the shave, the kids dressed, the lunches made, and all this stuff we’ve got going on. Take ten seconds for yourself, put yourself first when you wake up. If you want to say something like, “I love my life,” then go for it. If you want to say something like, “I wonder what miracles would come,” go for it. Jennifer, what’s one thing that you could recommend that people say first thing out of the day?

Wake up and choose to be happy.

Ciao for now.

 

Important Links

• Doing Divorce Right Podcast
• TED Talk – DOING THIS for 10 Seconds Can Change Your Life!
• One Happy Divorce
• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
• https://JenniferHurvitz.com/
• https://www.Facebook.com/jenniferhurvitzbiz/notifications/

 

About Jennifer Hurvitz

Jennifer Hurvitz is known for her no-nonsense approach to dating after divorce. She’s a relationship coach, best-selling author, and host of the Doing Divorce Right (or Avoiding it Altogether). Happily divorced since 2014, Jennifer lives in Charlotte with her two teenage boys. Through her popular blog, The Truth Hurvitz, and weekly podcast, Hurvitz helps people understand what a happy divorce can look like and how to dip their toes back into the dating world. She loves sharing her insight on how to stay in a successful marriage too…