The Role Of Attitude In Resiliency With Dr. Sam Adeyemi

Dr. Sam Adeyemi is the CEO of Sam Adeyemi, GLC, Inc. and the founder and executive director of Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA), where he has trained thousands of individuals in leadership over the past two decades. He joins Adam Markel to share why our attitude is one of the most intangible ingredients in how our lives will ultimately unfold. Dr. Sam explains how attitudes are shaped by the things we consistently see and hear, which take root deep into our subconscious and directly impact our decisions. He also breaks down his SHIFTS framework, a six-step process on how senior managers can shape an equitable and sustainable culture.

Show Notes:

01:12 – Why Your Attitude Matters More Than Facts [01:39]
06:52 – Response-Ability: Harnessing Our Power To Respond [07:39]
11:45 – Improving Culture Through The SHIFTS Framework [13:10]
25:11 – The Role Of Attitude In Building A Resilient Self [27:52]
29:34 – Get In Touch With Dr. Sam And Get His Book [32:39]
30:52 – Episode Wrap-Up And Closing Words [33:59]

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The Role Of Attitude In Resiliency With Dr. Sam Adeyemi

Welcome back to another episode. I am your host, Adam Markel. I know that you’re going to love the guest that I have in store for you. His name is Dr. Sam Adeyemi, sometimes called Dr. Sam. He has trained thousands of people in leadership for more than two decades. He has done this through the Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA), which has graduated more than 52,000 people since 2002, and through seminars, workshops, and conferences. He currently serves as a mentor to hundreds of top CEOs in Nigeria. Dr. Sam is the author of SHIFTS: 6 Steps to Transform Your Mindset and Elevate Your Leadership. I know this conversation is going to be spectacular, so sit back and enjoy my conversation with Dr. Sam.

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Why Your Attitude Matters More Than Facts

Sam, it was a great honor for me to read your bio, to be sharing with my audience more about you. I know our community is going to be so curious to learn more and learn more about your book, SHIFTS, the origin story, and all of those things. It’s an impressive CV. I want to ask you a question that is only tangential to that. What’s something that’s not in your bio, in your introduction, that you would love for people to know about you at the beginning of our conversation?

Thank you so much, Adam, for having me. What’s not in my bio? It’s the fact that I studied Civil Engineering. I trained to be an engineer originally, although now I’m known as a speaker, a leadership expert, and a minister. It means that I switched careers along the line. The big question would be why. In the first place, my granddad was the head of the builders in my hometown in Nigeria. My dad was also a building contractor. It was a family tradition to be in the construction industry. I grew up on construction sites, so I studied Civil Engineering. I was already a director in my dad’s business by the time I was in college. It was like my job was waiting for me. I was not meant to apply anywhere for any job.

Suddenly, by the time I was out of college, my dad’s business had collapsed. I had to search for a job. It took me almost two years to get a job. During that time, because the business was down, things were difficult for my family. It was difficult for my dad to pay the rent. It was difficult sometimes for us to have food to eat and all that. I became desperate because I was starting my life. Everything was looking bleak. The big question on my mind was, is there anything that can give me some direction, some clear pathway forward? Are there any principles that at least should be able to guarantee success to a large extent? I began to read.

It’s amazing. I began to buy books. I began to read. That’s how I read Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do! by Robert Schuller. I began to read things that were mind-twisting. I read a statement in the book that said, “‘Attitudes are more important than facts.” I said, “What? No. Facts are facts. Facts are sacred. What are you telling me?” Attitudes are more important than facts. I had to read it over and over and over and reflect deeply on it before I got it that what I think, how I feel, and how I respond are more important than what is happening to me.

Attitude is something that’s difficult to define. For me, I find it to be a combination of things, almost like a compound. Water is made of hydrogen and oxygen. The compound is H2O. You’ve done so already, but if I’m asking you to define attitude for our audience, how would you define attitude?

I would say I agree with you completely. It’s a combination of what you think and how you feel. It is more or less what’s going on on your insides and how you are responding to external stimuli. Simply put, I would say it’s the combination of what you think and how you feel.

Attitude is a combination of what you think and how you feel. It is what is happening in your insides and how you are responding to external stimuli. Share on X

I feel like if you’ve been in business or in any area of life, honestly, to see the ups and the downs and to experience the roller coaster of life as it is, for all of us, only in my own life to be an expert in. I’ve been observing and have been blessed like you to work with leaders for many years now in organizations and to be given access to people, to see, to talk, to learn from, and to offer insights to. In that process, I’ve certainly seen a lot of people go through a lot of ups and downs. If there was one thing that I would say would be more of a predictor that that person would end up in a good place, success is a good word, but I also think it’s a word that gets used a lot.

It is another one of those words that doesn’t have one meaning anyway. It’s a combination of things. It’s very personal, too. How that person navigates those situations has more to do with their attitude, their thinking, than it has to do with anything else. The best example I have of someone else’s life that has been inspirational to me and to so many other people is someone like Nelson Mandela. To physically imprison someone for 27 years, put them in a small cell, and be in such a place lacking any agency, any freedom, or whatsoever, you would imagine that that person would be bitter and resentful, would condemn the persecutors, would be angry, or would have died of depression or something.

We all know the story is that he comes out of prison to lead an entire community, both White and Black, to someplace that’s better. I don’t want to say it’s complete unity. I don’t think that’s exactly true, but to create more harmony out of somebody who was so desperately wrong and in need of change. He waits 27 years and has that opportunity. Through those 27 years in prison, what would have been more important to him than his attitude, than his thinking? Do you agree?

Response-Ability: Harnessing Our Power To Respond

Absolutely. I read a statement, a quote, many years ago by Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of a former US president. She said, “It is not the things that happen to us that hurt us. It is how we respond that hurts us. That power of response, I read about it in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. He broke responsibility into two words: response-ability. He said, “Most people don’t use that power to respond.”

It’s like, “I slap you. You slap me back.” They ask you, “Why did you slap him?” You say, “It is because he slapped me.” He said, “That’s not exactly true. Between the time something happened to you and when you responded, there’s that fraction of a second when you have the power to choose. You have the power to choose how to respond. Most people don’t use that ability.” That’s where the attitude comes in. As you said, attitude is a big predictor of how a person will end up because they don’t act out other people’s scripts.

Once someone does not use that power to respond, then there’ll be acting scripts written for them by other people. Once you expand that capacity to respond, how you think, and how you feel, then you find out there’s better control. There’s a better direction in your life. You’re more able to achieve the outcomes that you desire. For Nelson Mandela, that’s a classic example of a man who, although he was oppressed and in a difficult place on the outside, on his inside, he was in a different place altogether. He was a free man.

The one freedom that we all have that no one can take from us is how we think.

The way I describe attitude, I use the illustration of the sailboat. I say to people, when you look at that sailboat, no engine to power it, it’s the wind that moves it. You only have the sail. It’s the wind. You’ve got to accept something about the wind. You have no control over it. You have no control over the speed or the direction of the wind. That’s life. You have to accept that there are things beyond your control. In fact, most things in this life are beyond your control. The weather is beyond your control. The economy is beyond your control. Your governor or president is beyond your control. Other people’s opinions, especially, are beyond your control.

Change Proof Podcast | Dr. Sam Adeyemi | Attitude

Attitude: You have to accept that there are things in life beyond your control.

If you focus more of your energy and attention on them, that’s like signing an agreement with frustration. It’s predictable. You’re going to feel powerless, feel helpless. You look again at that sailboat, and you realize it’s not everything that is beyond your control. That sail is within your control. When you turn it at the right angle, the wind that you cannot control actually takes you to where you want to go. It’s amazing. I encourage, therefore, that we focus on the things we can control. We find out that the things we can control are inside us, our thoughts and our emotions, as we say.

It’s a great lead-in to the part of the work that you do in the world, and our company, WORKWELL, does as well. That is to meet organizations in their place of need. What is consistently a place of need in that workplace is great management, not mediocre management. Often, the people who are not in management roles will be unhappy, unproductive, disengaged, or lots of words to describe it. If asked and when asked why that is, they will point to their manager as the reason because that person is not supporting them, doesn’t believe in them, is outwardly trying to sabotage them, and every other thing you can imagine.

It’s not maybe the topic, but it’s ironic that the middle-level management arena is often under-resourced within an organization. It’s often the last place that resources are directed. You get plenty of money toward senior-level and higher-level leadership, training, etc., but that middle area is filled with high performers, people who were great at the roles that they were in. They’re given this promotion to supervise or manage other people, but with very little experience in doing that and training to do it.

Improving Culture Through The SHIFTS Framework

I want to ask this question to you about both the book that you’ve written, but the point we’re discussing around that moment, even that split second for the opportunity to make better decisions when it comes to how you respond to people and what emotional intelligence there is or isn’t in that moment. I want to get a sense from the standpoint of that manager. What’s your take as to what could change there? What could be pivotal and improve that relationship? This is across the board in so many companies. We hear this. That’s the weak link in the chain. I know you hear it as well. In your current role, what advice do you give in that area? What insights or thoughts do you have as to what could be improved?

The big picture for me is culture. Senior management or the leadership needs to pay attention to the culture, the way we do things, that has evolved over time in the process of responding to different situations and circumstances. Culture is to a group of people what habits are to individuals. You do something repeatedly. After some time, your conscious mind pushes it down to your subconscious mind, so that the conscious mind can focus on fresh problems. Once it gets to that subconscious level, it’s automated. When leaders don’t pay attention to the culture, then things are in flux. Usually, it’s that middle level that actually suffers because there isn’t intentionality in communicating the vision clearly, so people know why we’re doing what we’re doing.

Attitude: When leaders do not pay attention to the culture, those at the middle level suffer the most.

People then begin to pull in different directions. There isn’t the communication of the values, the standards, or the principles that guide decision-making and behavior in the organization. Because there’s a lot of movement in that middle level, some people are moving into upper management. You have some others coming from the ground floor into the middle management. Things are in a state of flux. If you wait two or three years, maybe half of the people at that middle level are actually new to that level. You’ll be working on the assumption that people know what they’re supposed to do, yet the people are not sure of what to do.

It was in response to that issue of culture. That’s why I wrote my book. I came to the conclusion that any leader who cannot shift people’s mindsets, values, and behavior cannot create sustainable change. My focus then was on how to shift people’s minds, how to shape values, and how to shift behavior so it is consistent across the board. SHIFTS is an acronym that stands for See, Hear, Insight, Formulate, Transform, and Succeed. The basic principle that the methodology rests on is that whatever you see and hear consistently over time will enter your heart. Whatever you see and hear consistently over time will go into the subconscious.

Once it goes in there, it takes on a life of its own. It makes your decisions for you. You would think that you’re being rational and making your decisions, but it’s actually that programming that makes the decisions for us. When I got that insight, I had to test it. Are you sure? I realized it makes the media industry so powerful. All we have to do is sit in front of the TV, look at the phone, or listen to the radio over and over. Before you know it, it’s going in there. The advertising industry is so powerful. If advertising didn’t work, we would not spend billions of dollars. We need to roll those adverts over and over and over. People don’t know they’re going in there. That’s what makes movies powerful.

Our daughter, when she was in high school, came home with her friend, who came all the way from Europe to school here in the United States. The young lady was speaking fluent English. My wife asked, “Wait, you did your elementary school in Croatia. Were you taught in English there?” She said, “No.” “How did you learn to speak English?” She said, “By watching American movies.” I thought, “There must be something here.” The lady said they wanted to go to the mall. We took them to the mall. On the way, they said we should pick another friend of theirs who came from Vietnam.

When the Vietnamese got into the car, she was speaking with a fluent American accent. My wife asked, “Were you taught in English in your country?” She also said, “No, I learned English by watching American movies.” That day for me was a big revelation. This is true. This principle works. These young people would actually learn to speak English by watching movies. It’s the reason why the educational system is so powerful. What do we do in school? We go and attend the classes. We see and we hear every day. We’re being programmed gradually every single day.

Whatever you see and hear consistently over time will go into your subconscious. Once it goes in there, it takes on a life of its own and makes decisions for you. Share on X

That’s the basic principle. Whatever you see and hear will enter your heart. The I stands for insight. I’m encouraging deep reflection on those things that you hear and see because then you’ll begin to make connections. Your mind will begin to make connections between cause and effect. You’ll begin to recognize patterns and then understand, “This person did this and got that result. I want to get the same result. I’ve not been doing the same thing. Instead of doing this, I’m going to do that.” That takes us to the F, which is formulate. That’s where you make decisions. Instead of doing this, I will do that. We then move on to transform, which is where you act on those decisions. That’s where you cultivate new habits.

The S is success. Once you find what works, you repeat it. The success is sustainable. In the book, I applied it to individuals. I have a chapter on personal shifts. I have one on professional shifts. It worked for me once. I’ll tell you, I tested it to the extent of cutting pages of magazines, sticking them on the wall in my bedroom, printing pages from the internet, sticking them on the wall in my bedroom, writing goals on sheets of paper, sticking them on the wall in my bedroom, and writing checks to myself. I’ll take my checkbook. I write my name on the check. I would write a figure I had never gotten before and stick it on the wall.

Gradually, I saw those things happen. I went through the whole process. At a subconscious level, those new goals were shaping my thoughts, shaping the books I read, and shaping the people I associated with. My thinking was changing and shaping my decision-making and the choices that I made. Gradually, I saw those goals come to pass in my life. I then applied the same thing to our staff in our office. I have to be intentional about what they were seeing and hearing. The training had to be intentional. I had to repeat the vision over and over and over.

Every opportunity that I have, I repeat our vision. I repeat the values. I talk about the values. I use stories to illustrate the values. I model the values. The training included traveling internationally because I found out that when I traveled, what I would see and hear was also shaping my thinking. You’ve got to go on vacation with your family. You’ve got to travel. You’ve got to see new things. This is my strong encouragement to organizational leaders. We’ve got to be intentional about shaping people’s mindsets within the organization.

Sometimes, the unique culture you want to create in your organization is different from the culture outside your organization. You’ve got to treat your staff as cultural migrants because they’re busy moving between two cultures. You’ve got to be intentional so you can achieve your own goals. This is important so that it’s not only now at middle management, but there’s a consistent understanding at all levels in the organization about why we’re here and the best way to go about achieving it.

That’s what was coming up for me as I was listening to you describe that. You would need to get the buy-in of the most senior people in the organization. I don’t want to say just the CEO. For sure, SHIFTS, both the title of the book and its methodology, I can’t imagine that being accessed well if you didn’t have the buy-in of whoever the top decision makers are.

You’re very right on that. Change is not sustainable until the people at the highest level actually buy into it and stay at the forefront of it. I used to be a manager in an organization. I was reading books. I asked myself, “What’s the highest level I could get to in this organization? I need to begin to prepare for that level.” I was reading books that a CEO would read. I was getting ideas. I would give those ideas to my boss. He would say, “That sounds good,” but nothing was changing. There was a time my boss traveled. I had the opportunity to change some things. I changed quite a number of things radically while he was away. When he got back, it was only a matter of weeks. Everything went back to where they were before.

Attitude: Change is not sustainable until the people at the highest level actually buy into it and stay at the forefront of it.

You’ve made an imprint for me. I know anybody who has been reading this has tracked it as well. What we see and what we hear have a strong influence on us. I want to remind people to remember the example of the two people that you referred to who learned English simply by watching, listening to, and seeing American movies. Leaders may take for granted the degree to which people within that organization are being programmed by what they see and what they hear. Often, what can happen is, we set about these values, these goals, these initiatives, and these things that we call our mission and our vision. All of that is great.

We put them into writing. We put them in a plaque and put it in the break room and whatnot. It’s in the employee handbook. There isn’t a redundancy in the messaging to what people see and hear in that regard. Therefore, even though there was great intentionality at a point through the process that it lost, it’s not sustainable. Ultimately, the energy of that process evaporates. You’re left with a culture that is a reflection of what people see and hear regularly. It is different than what was intended when there was an effort made to create something better or different.

You nailed something so important there. Sometimes, organizations bring in consultants like us. We advise and help them to clarify their vision, their mission, and their core values. There’s this fresh dry and all of that. It’s a campaign. After some time, everything begins to fizzle out. That’s why I’m encouraging leaders that it’s a daily thing, what people see and hear consistently. I ask myself. Whatever it is that goes into our eyes and our ears, what do we call it? It’s knowledge or information. You break up information, what do you have? You have in and you have formation.

Whatever it is that is going on in there through your eyes and your ears, they never leave you the same. They form you on the inside. It’s in form. They’re shaping you on the inside. Organizational leaders cannot afford to take this for granted at all. We’ve got to be very intentional about everything, including the colors and the environment. We’ve got to be intentional about what we see and hear.

The Role Of Attitude In Building A Resilient Self

I’ve so enjoyed this conversation. I don’t want it to end. I know we’ve got a minute or two here. I did want to ask you about resiliency because, hearing your story, where your beginnings were, and where you’ve gotten to, I want to understand your definition of resilience or how resilience has informed your experience in business and as a leader yourself. I’d love to probe that with you for a moment.

Thank you. There’s a book that shifted my thinking many years ago. This was over 30 years ago. I saw a friend reading this book. It was titled How to Bounce Back from Failure to Success in 30 Seconds. I said, “What? When you’re through with the book, I’ve got to read it.” It is How to Bounce Back from Failure to Success in 30 Seconds. The author was David Dean. When I got the book, I began to read. The author said, “You can bounce back from failure to success in 30 seconds because that’s how long it takes you to decide to try again.”

That helped. That taught me not to mourn my mistakes for too long. I was so transformed by what I was reading from the books when I was searching desperately to find a way. I was so transformed by the things I read. I went on the radio in Nigeria and began to teach people basic principles for success. It’s amazing. I was in my late 20s. I had this conflict in my head. It was like, “What authority do you have to teach anybody how to succeed? Are you successful yet?” I did it anyway. It was a strong inspiration for me.

What I discovered was you can’t discuss success without discussing failure. You can’t. When we were in school, they took us into the lab. They would give us chemicals to mix and so on. They called whatever we did experiments. They weren’t meant to produce perfect results. They were experiments. It looks like the older we grow, the more we lose the capacity for experimenting. We expect things to work out perfectly the first time.

I’ve got to find out that to achieve success, you achieve a lot of failure. To the person who will be successful, it’s not failure. It’s a learning process until you eventually find what works. I would say again that resilience first begins with attitude. It begins with our interpretation of the things that happen in our lives. Once we have a negative bent, we get to wrong conclusions that stop us completely in our tracks. Once we have the correct attitude, especially to failure, then we welcome the failure.

You realize you need to fail faster because each failure takes you closer to the ultimate success. I had David Meltzer say, “What would you think and what would you say if I said it’s exactly 24 noes that will take you to $1 billion? How would you respond to the first no?” Let the noes come very fast. I want to hear the noes quickly so I can get to the billion dollars. I would say the attitude plays a big role in our capacity for resilience because we know we need to hold on long enough, and things are going to change for the better.

Attitude plays a big role in our capacity for resilience. We just need to hold on long enough, and things will change for the better. Share on X

Get In Touch With Dr. Sam And Get His Book

It’s remarkable, too, that in our research over so many years on that word, resilience, what we see is that resilient individuals, teams, organizations are not the ones that made fewer mistakes. It’s the converse. Those who made more mistakes are the more resilient ones. It’s very curious. I have so loved this conversation with you. Dr. Adeyemi, I can’t say enough to our audience to find out more about your book and your work. Thank you for that. SHIFTS is a book I’m looking forward to reading as well. Is there a subtitle?

Yes. It’s SHIFTS: 6 Steps to Transform Your Mindset and Elevate Your Leadership.

I love it. Sam, thank you so much for your time on the show. I expect people will be sharing this episode with friends and family. We’d love to hear from you all. My community, thank you so much for being with us as always. If you do know somebody who could benefit from this, please share this show. If you’ve got a question for me or for Sam in regard to this episode, you can go to AdamMarkel.com/Podcast and leave your question or comment there.

We’d love to hear from you in any way, shape, or form, including if you take a moment to review this show on the platform that you consume it. That would be lovely. Five stars are always great. Whatever your feedback is, it is more than welcome and greatly appreciated. Sam, thank you so much for your time. You’ve been amazing. Thank you.

Thank you very much, Adam.

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Episode Wrap-Up And Closing Words

I truly loved having that conversation with Dr. Sam. He is a very thoughtful person, extremely intelligent, with a big heart, and a good human. I think it was Emerson who said something along the lines of, “I can’t hear a word you say because who you are is so obvious.” It tells the whole story. I was taking mental notes and scribbling notes as well as I was listening to Dr. Sam share his thoughts. One of the things that resonated with me and bears repeating here is how important the things that we see and hear are.

If we want to create culture, which anyone who is in business, either for themselves or working in a business in some role of leadership, is concerned about that, and if not ought to be, but we’re creating culture in every area of our lives. In our roles as parents, as siblings, as friends, and as community members, culture is vitally important. What I was hearing from Dr. Sam is that the things that we see and that we hear ultimately become a part of our subconscious.

They become a part of our heart consciousness. We then act from that place. Our attitude is a reflection of that. It is to be intentional, to remind ourselves how important it is, the things that the people around us see and hear, because it will affect how they feel and think, and will inform their attitude. It is also the same for ourselves. What are the things that we are curating for ourselves to see and to hear that will ultimately change our subconscious in the ways that are best for us?

The things that we truly want in our lives, whether it’s to be the best leaders that we can be, to be successful in however we define that, whether it’s in money, in career, or in some other area, how we can have the best relationships, the best health, or the best financial life, or whatever those things might be. So often it’s our attitude that is the most important intangible ingredient in defining or in setting about the ways and means that those things are achieved.

How does that happen? What Dr. Sam shared with us is that it happens gradually, but it happens by being very intentional about what we see and what we hear. I know that for my wife and me, and with our kids when they were younger and now as young adults themselves, they have the choice to do this or not do this. My wife, Randi, and I routinely create a vision board for ourselves every single year. Routinely throughout the year, we look at it and think about it. There’s a powerful visual aid.

Even that could be up-leveled because there’s an element of it being purely visual and not necessarily something that we hear that is activating that deeper understanding, deeper insight, and guidance, perhaps. I certainly would say it is guidance from within that informs all the things that show up on the outside. I loved how he led us through the six components of his book SHIFTS, not just the acronym, but what it means, exactly how to apply it, where it lands within an organization, and how important it is that there is this intentionality to how we address culture and what it is that will inform that culture.

That is what we see, what we hear, and ultimately, how people feel as a result of that. I love the conversation. It’s an episode that’s a keeper. It’s worth sharing. I hope that you will share it with colleagues, friends, family members, etc. As I said, I would also love to hear from you and learn whether or not this is information that was insightful to you and helpful to you. That feedback is super helpful to us. We thank you for taking the time to share it.

If you’re thinking about your own resiliency, how has it been that you have addressed challenges and been able to make a shift for yourself to be able to try again and move through difficult situations and not react, but respond, especially when you’re triggered or when things are going differently than you would prefer, how we are able to show up best in those situations is the reflection of our resilience. If you want to find out where you are feeling that right now, what’s a snapshot of your resiliency in this moment, mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually speaking, you can go to RankMyResilience.com. It is absolutely free.

Three minutes is all it takes. You’ll get your own confidential report as a snapshot. If you’ve taken the resilience assessment in the past, it might be cool to see what changes have occurred since the last time that you took those three minutes to answer those sixteen questions and find out where you are at. For now, I would once again thank you for being a part of this community. It is a blessing. We thank you for everything that you are and everything that you are adding to the world that we all live in and share. Thanks again. Ciao for now.

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About Dr. Sam Adeyemi

Atlanta-based Dr. Sam Adeyemi is CEO of Sam Adeyemi, GLC, Inc. and founder and executive director of Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA). More than 52,000 alumni have graduated from DLA programs, and more than 3.8 million CEOs and high-performing individuals follow him on top social media sites. Dr. Sam is the author of “SHIFTS: 6 Steps to Transform Your Mindset and Elevate Your Leadership” (Wiley) and “Dear Leader: Your Flagship Guide to Successful Leadership.” He holds a Doctorate in Strategic Leadership from Virginia’s Regent University, and is a member of the International Leadership Association. He and his wife, Nike have three children. Learn more at SamAdeyemi.com.